Hey Mom, I Miss You!MY VIEWS | Nirasha Jaganath | May 13, 2012 at 5:33 am
For several years after you passed away I hated Mother’s Day. I know I should not, but every time I saw people go on about Mother’s Day it bothered me and reminded me that I did not have a mom (or a dad for that matter). I would not cry, to do so would be to embrace the pain. I found distraction a much better vice.
Then 7 years ago I became a mother. I found a different reason to love the day. Of course the 9 months before I missed you more than ever as there is nothing more you want when you are pregnant than your mama. I had no idea what I was doing. Sure I missed that you never met my sweetheart or that you could not dance at my wedding but there is something that happens when you are becoming a mama, you need your own.
In these 7 years while you remained in my heart you seemed to travel all over me. Sometimes I would catch you in my head as I told my girls memories of you playing 3 tins in the backyard. Sometimes I would see you in my hands that look a little worn out from taking care of everyone but yet still capable. Sometimes my feet would remember you as I pushed myself further than I ever thought possible, and when think I can’t move anymore, I push some more. The surprise place I found you the most though was in my voice.
I swear I could hear you when I chastised my girls when they were mean to each other, reminding them their sister was their best friend. You can be sure I warn them the same way about not stepping in the puddle with new shoes, and yes like me my kiddo does it anyway. Or when I broke the news to them that sometimes life is unfair but that does not mean we have to be. It must be your voice I hear when I explain to them that my life is empty without them in it.
And you know what mom? They adore me. Me! Just like I adore you. I guess I must be doing something right. I understand now that you will live forever because I am your legacy just like they will be mine. Welcome back mom, glad to have you here. Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
your daughter, who is still convinced that I was your favorite!