Picture Perfect!MY VIEWS | Nirasha Jaganath | January 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm
When I was young, I used to chat with my mom that the guy I married had to be this, and this and that. My mom thought they were high demands and wished me luck finding the impossible. I disagreed. I felt that I was a pretty awesome catch myself and any guy who would be with me had better be that awesome too. My logic was clear, if I can be those things to him, how is it expecting those things in return to be anything less? I promised I would not settle. Of course most girls my age had had a head start with dating. Me, I was nose plucked in books, ready to make sure I was earning enough to get out of the drudgery of being poor.
Sadly having no money is just romanticized in the movies and the real picture is anything but. Which meant that I even skipped my debutante ball as I considered it so unimportant, though I attended my sister’s one (loyalty counts right?). Anything pretty and frivolous was not really taken seriously. Not only was I scoffed at by my cousins for being the boring one, my own sister called me a snob. A label I gladly wore if that meant I preferred to choose what and who I spent my time with or on. I had bigger fish to fry. I had not given up on romance though, as you would have guessed from the piles of Mills & Boon (save the judgement, we all have our things) I hid under my bed. An important criteria was he had to be the “knee-knocking” and “palm-sweating” type.
Fast forward losing my mom I moved to the USA from South Africa continuing my engineering career. Love was the furthest thing from my mind. After meeting my now husband, who lived in DC while I was in Boston (what’s that you say? you want the story? let’s save that for another post) we pretended (or was that just me?) that we were just friends for a while. Succumbing to our feelings and what we considered a destiny together we decided to tie the knot. While every girl may dream of her wedding day, I was filled with practicalities. We lived in different states and he still was finishing up his MBA part time (he was an engineer by day too – what can I say geeks unite) and our families were from different countries.
Deciding to host a wedding in India and fly my sisters there for the wedding seemed practical. Choosing a date that fit in between the holiday period but ensuring we were only away for 2 weeks seemed practical (what is is about people in USA taking so little vacation?). Designing a wedding card from here so I could have some touch of mine seemed logical. Turning up a few days before your wedding and meeting your future in-laws seemed practical (why would I fly twice and waste the leave or money?) Allowing my mother-in-law to choose my wedding clothes seemed practical (Indian clothing is expensive here in the USA and pickings are slim) but admittedly did not digest all too well. Add some family drama and tears and you have the perfect masala for some frustrations all around. Caught up in the “let’s do what makes everyone happy, because I don’t care about the window dressing” attitude meant I let many things go thinking I would never have planned my wedding this way but not saying a thing. Sure I made little goodie bags etc but those were little things. Then I looked at my husband while making promises to each other with a little fire as the witness and we shared a giggle about how we could still change our minds and I knew that the other stuff did not matter. I was marrying my best friend.
Fast forward more financial woes and bringing up 2 kids, with one having a disability, bonds were tested. The practical personalities in us told us to focus on our kids and also keep our dreams alive. He is not only someone who supports my blogging but is an advocate of it. I was just telling my sister on Skype that when I have intense work to do I crave a Diet Coke (we already covered the no judging thing) and he turns up with one. For some girls wine, chocolates and flowers may be their thing but for me a Diet Coke and I am your buddy. Sometimes I look at the glitz and I do get swayed and then I think of my “diet-Coke-deliverer” and realize how much happier I am.
I may not have had a fairy-tale wedding, but I do sure have a fairytale marriage!
Disclosure: This is a sponsored post, and part of me being a “Hallmark, Life is a special occasion ambassador”. Personally loving the opportunity to share a window to my life.