7 Ways To Annoy Your Friends In Social Media!

SOCIAL MEDIA | | March 28, 2011 at 10:08 am

Ok, I get it.The world is a smaller place thanks to social media, and I have more friends now than I ever did. This also means that because my friends (and family) read my blog it leaves little space for me to really blog about what’s on my mind without offending someone. On that note my newer family of friends has somehow managed to get on my nerves, with as much annoyance that it generally reserved for family (or better yet family-in-laws). I get that many of this new group are really friends that have really helped me during struggles (where many of my offline peeps dropped the ball) and I love many dearly but the trend for some exploiting friendship is enough.

The time has come to remind many that the same respect is expected of us as what was meted out with offline friends (aka friendship etiquette) even today.

Can we vote on no more voting please?

Wow, brands have made a mockery of us. They pit us against each other and then laugh at the traffic. I, who has also fallen prey to this, am vowing to not work with a brand that makes us do this to each other. If you MUST take part then please use discretion in asking for votes.

Keep your linky to yourself!

Oh, I am all about branding – in fact I have totes, t-shirts and my swanky necklace to prove, but there is a time and place for promotion. Tacky is putting your link, (when it is not about the topic at hand) in blog comments, Facebook statuses or worse on the wall of a Facebook (not personal) page which has followers. You may think all this is promotion but it is in poor taste.

Tweet it yourself!

I will tweet your stuff, on occasion. Stuck for some comments and you know (and I mean KNOW) me, then feel free to DM me about it but can we just stop with expecting me to just retweet your promotional stuff or giveaway? Same goes for “@”ing me your post that has no relevance to me. On this note don’t even get me started on Auto-DMs!

Do your own dirty work!

You finally have a “client” and you want to promote them, sure I will comment, and even “like” a page for you, but if you asking me to “tweet”, work a twitter party, or do anything more for something that YOU are getting PAID for, then share the loot or don’t ask me to work for free. That does not make you just like the PR companies and brands that do that, but worse – because I TRUST you.

Picking my brain!

Yes, we moaned and groaned about brands doing this. I can help you, some. Beyond that get off and do some work yourself (Google is a great place to start for searching – no really it is). Somehow it is become that it is your duty to get people to a spot faster than having burnt the midnight oil themselves. The trick to getting ahead is still the same old one – work harder. If you are picking my brain for a company you are getting paid from (read my feelings about that on the previous point) I may or may not help you. Know that it is a huge favor you ask – that knowledge is what we have learned the long-hard way and there is a price attached to it. If you are ready to fork out, just ask for that price.

Just give me a name!

I know I may get dragged over hot coals for this one and may even be called names for it (been-there, called-that) but I have been frothing at the mouth about this forever. I don’t (normally) share contacts. It is simply good business practice – here’s why: If I give your name/blog to a brand it is basically me endorsing you. Your behavior will reflect me and the future relationship with that brand. There are seriously very few people I am willing to do this (or jeopardize my name) for. Frankly many professional people know this is tacky and don’t ask. The other reason I don’t give you the contact name is that it is giving personal (even if it is from a brand) contact details, I personally would not appreciate it a brand just sent around my email without asking me first. The sad thing is many of these contacts were asked for just for stuff/products – stuff I would just buy if I needed rather than put my friends on the spot. Oh and shameless begging for invitations to events is a hot topic I should reserve for another post (if I still have readers by then).

Inviting me to your (virtual) events!

I consider my inbox sacred (no, I am not full of myself – time is precious – yours and mine) so when I have to read (another) virtual event – or even one in another state which I obviously can’t attend (not talking about conferences here people), I think you are just being a little lazy to filter out the contact list. In short you are annoying a helluva lot of people.

Ok, there is so much more I could add but I figured I probably lost enough friends with this list. Care to add your pet-peeves?



  1. 1
    ColoradoMom says:

    I love you. That is all. ;)

  2. 2

    Love. Loved meeting you at Disney and love this post.

  3. 3
    pamela says:

    annoying twitter parties. UGH!

  4. 4

    This seems like plain old common sense. I would be annoyed, too. I had someone take basically my whole article and post it on their site. I was credited but there was no link. I was furious about the no link.

    • 4.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      See that would drive me batty – besides the fact that it is stealing. Aggregating sites annoy for the same reason – but bloggers doing it would push me over the edge. I had a blogger take my pic from my blog – with no credit and get this – inserted the pic directly from my blog – url and all.

      • 4.1.1

        I think it should be common courtesy if you are going to excerpt something from someone’s blog or mention someone on your blog that you should notify them as well. I find myself in bits and pieces strewn throughout the web.

  5. 5
    Elsa says:

    totally agree!

  6. 6
    Shelly says:

    Great post Niri and I do agree with you on so many points! I do feel that you do have to work hard to get somewhere. It’s never fair for anyone to get handed opportunities.

  7. 7
    Bitchin' Amy says:


    (Even though I may have shamelessly begged to get invited to an event. Once.) ;)

  8. 8
    CanCan says:

    I wish companies would stop the whole voting thing. Its super tiresome.

  9. 9

    Fabulous post. I got sucked into a voting thing recently. Mainly since I didn’t know it was voting based. Once I found out, I felt suckered and then felt bad for subjecting my friends to the insanity. I think therein lies the difference. There are people who are just thinking about themselves. Then there are those that not. It is nice to get a helping hand on occasion, but it is another thing to expect a handout. (PS. is this where I’m supposed to put my blog links now?) :)

  10. 10
    Kelly says:

    Down with voting! Love this.

  11. 11
    Amy says:

    Amen, sister!! I loved every part of this post and agree whole-heartedly. Brillant you are. (sorry, had a Yoda moment)

  12. 12
    Nicole says:

    Thanks for addressing the thoughts that I usually keep to myself. I try to be very well connected on several social media platforms, but I have to be careful to not offend or annoy my followers by overpromoting or posting irrelevant links.

    I also agree that my inbox is sacred. I do have the ability to travel easily, but I need advance notice to attend. It is also frustrating when people tweet shamelessly about private events that they were invited to. If it’s exclusive, you should be mindful of those who may feel left out. Unless you have an agreement to promote a brand, don’t talk about how awesome it was to be invited to a private party over and over.

  13. 13

    Thanks for the honesty. Didn’t mean to offend. I broke your etiquette rules and I’m sorry! I’m just trying to get the word out on family-friendly deals on a site owned by me, a mom, instead of a large corporate biz. Was looking to help support each other and find a way to benefit everyone financially. I want Mommy Bloggers to make $$ by being affiliates. Not trying to get something for free! Kinda hard to reach some of you without messaging on Twitter. ;)

    • 13.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Julie for leaving a comment. Truth is we get messaged continuously and it gets lumped in with the “annoyed” mail – easier to talk to us and ask if we are interested in something like that. You would be surprised at how many “this is great news for you and your readers and we would love you to share” type of emails we get.

      Sounds like a lot of work but talking and getting to know some bloggers before approaching them with a pitch seriously means it will get more serious eye-balls on it.

      • 13.1.1

        Thanks for answering Niri! Not surprised at all. I’m planning on going to Type A in Asheville and other conferences. I answer people’s Twitter posts and comment on things that are funny or mom related, but rarely do I get a response so its hard to walk that line without falling into the annoying section. I’m trying!!!

          Mommy Niri says:

          Julie, the fact that you stopped by here means I will take more time to hear what you have to say. I may not agree/do it but I will remember you. Investment in relationships is worth it. Being at conferences will certainly help and getting to know niches of the bloggers too. Thank you again for taking the time.

          Mommy Niri says:

          Julie, the fact that you stopped by here means I will take more time to hear what you have to say. I may not agree/do it but I will remember you. Investment in relationships is worth it. Being at conferences will certainly help and getting to know niches of the bloggers too. Thank you again for taking the time.

  14. 14
    The Maven says:

    On this note don’t even get me started on Auto-DMs! THIS THIS THIS THIS

    oh, and the virtual parties, especially the ones that follow up with well since you can’t attend, do you want to buy….

  15. 15

    Great list and I’m sure you’ll be able to add to it as social media evolves. The voting thing totally annoys me. Besides Twitter parties, how about adding companies requesting you hold Home Parties – they’re coming around again, just like the 70s. Didn’t like them then, don’t like them now.

  16. 16

    I love this article it was nice and cool.

  17. 17
    MommieDaze says:

    Yes, yes, yes! I was really floored the first time somebody “@”ed me with a link to their post. It was someone who I’d never even interacted with before on Twitter. They started doing it with everything they posted. It got them unfollowed pretty quickly. I mean would you walk around shoving your kids’ pictures in stranger’s faces at the mall? It’s kind of the same thing.

  18. 18

    Thanks for the honesty! I blush a bit as I think I might have been guilty of asking you for a vote for the startup nation thing, but contests are not my regular hobby. I agree with everything you wrote.

  19. 19

    Invites to virtual parties get me excited and then mad. I like being invited to parties near me, but rarely go to virtual parties. Virtual party invites remind me of when I get a Pampered Chef invitation from a friend who I barely know or from a neighbor. These types of invitations scream out that the person needed to invite 50 people…I hate feeling like I was potential invitee #49 or #50. ouch!

    The “vote for me” is getting out of control. I have 2 people who message me within facebook through the chat window at the bottom of the screen…I forget what the window is called. If you message me through FB or via DM I will NOT vote for you!

    Personally, I think new bloggers get a couple of free passes to invite themselves to events. I have certainly asked a PR rep for an invite to a local event. But, if you are constantly begging for events, it looks a little desperate.

    Good post.

  20. 20

    I am a total nerd about this stuff so I love posts like this. The etiquette that evolves as a whole new way of communicating solidifies fascinates me.

    As for asking for help, I always struggle with the best way to do that. That’s been a huge roadblock for me.

    • 20.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I think any blogger worth their salt does not mind helping, but the key is helping not doing. The aim is to do as much as you can and be mindful of the time it takes for a blogger to help. Personally I love being asked but get annoyed when some are clearly things they could have Google’d or researched.

  21. 21

    I hate this new PR trend that asks me to write a post with a huge interactive widget embedded in it for a CHANCE to win whatever the prize is. I’m not doing anything for a CHANCE to win! Either pay me or send me the product.

  22. 22

    Ah, I love this Niri!!!!! SO MUCH. As someone who is still recovering from the wounds of a recent VOTE FOR ME contest I participated in, then dropped out of because of the hateful comments, emails, and vicious attacks…i can say this: entering contest for votes for the opportunity to do something that you could probably have done anyway if you just worked a little harder IS NOT WORTH IT. The brand got so much out of this (and I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY here) and what did I get? I got a STRESSED OUT and, in this case, hurt. I will never, ever, NEVER participate in a contest again, and I plea with you dear fellow bloggers to seriously consider before you do the same.

    On the contact sharing? I won’t do it, but if I know you well enough, and honestly, if you are good at what you do, because I’m sorry, not everyone is a good writer, or blogger, or person, I will pass along your info to them. I know it sounds awful to judge others, however, it’s a position I am put in the second I am asked for a contact.

    All that being said: thank you for voting for me on my previous contest experience and please, please find it in your hearts to forgive me. xoxox

    Great post Niri!!

    • 22.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Carol – the contact sharing thing has been done by me and for me but the thing I mention here is different. If I see a good fit I ask and share and if someone I trust and am willing to put my name behind then fine. But when it happens willy-nilly to just get something for free and when it is constant – annoying.

      Raise your hands how often we find some people asking/hinting that they want in on a party or would like a product like maybe XBOX constantly?!? We all throw wishes out there but the sense of entitlement is amazing.

      Of course I would love things for free – I am sure we all do, but when I want something I don’t start tweeting or asking to get it “free” I buy it or do without.

      BTW Love you Carol – that contest was so not worth what it put you through!

    • 22.2
      Amy says:

      I think all of us have been a part of a voting contest at least once in our bloggy careers and we can all agree that they suck! You are right, it is totally not worth the stress and hateful feedback it draws. It is almost guaranteed to hurt somebody’s feelings.

      Same with contact sharing. I will pass a contact’s info to someone I trust and know. Niri is right when she says that those recommendations ultimately reflect on YOU, so be careful.

  23. 23

    I don’t see a single thing wrong or controversial. I totally agree with you here! I think it’s really important that more of us put etiquette posts online so more people learn the literacy of social media and blogs. Not everyone is naturally thoughtful in this space!

  24. 24

    I couldn’t agree more! Love it!!

  25. 25

    I think brands that do voting contests should be shot.

    They feed into something in bloggers that is just not positive. I have voted for friends in a few, and then participated in one myself and frankly, after having such a horrible experience – with cheating as well as putting friends into a position of having to choose between me and another friend who was in the same contest – it just left a horrible taste in my mouth.

    So now, going forward, I have a policy. I don’t participate, I don’t vote, and I don’t retweet those things for even my closest friends. I tell them that they’re just encouraging bad behavior by brands and by other bloggers.

  26. 26

    Another outspoken, opinionated blogger — I love this, Niri! Usually I’m the one in hot water LOL All your points are excellent.

    I must admit I’m currently asking for voted to win a blogging grant, but it’s only one click and I’ve never done it before, so I figure it’s okay. I have an ad for it on my blog and periodically send out a tweet about it.

    I did decide not to ask my readers and followers to vote for me to win $5,000 (and they could have won a car). I wanted to give $2,500 to charity, but I didn’t think I’d have a chance once I saw another popular blogger was getting involved. I would have had to be very aggressive and that would have annoyed my readers. Not worth it.

    I can’t stand getting Auto-DMs in Twitter and have never used them – I don’t even know how to set them up. It was so nice when you only got personal messages there.

    You have made me rethink working with brands that make you “like” everything — especially considering that those “Likes” are now also being used by Facebook to make more money with marketing. They are selling even that info. I’m about ready to boycott Facebook altogether, I don’t like their business practices. Anyone with me?

    Hope to run into you again soon!

    • 26.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I think most of us understand winning a contest is desirable – I think the balance got skewed when the incessant begging for votes began.

  27. 27
    carla says:

    I wouldnt change a thing about you…..
    You seize to amaze me all the time…You ROCK!!!!!!

  28. 28
    Lauralee Hensley says:

    I agree on no more voting on voting please.
    Everyone requests me to vote for them on the same thing, since I can’t I always feel like I’m letting bunches of great women and men down that need my votes. Can’t the companies just get a group together inside their own firms and do the judging and pick the winners themselves. Otherwise it seems like a popularity contest and not a talent or other skill that is truly being voted on.

  29. 29
    Sean says:

    Thanks so much for this post! As a new blogger, I need more honest and real tips like this. Some of this stuff seems very logical to me or anyone who has a shred of common sense. But others aren’t as intuitive, like no linking in comments. Great tips and I don’t even hate you for them.

    • 29.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Glad to hear it Sean. Personally I still consider myself a new blogger – we are all learning, daily!

  30. 30
    Daria says:

    What do you think about linking your blog to your personal FB page?

    • 30.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      What you do on your own blog is your own biz – link away. I recommend using pages rather than personal but truly your own choice. The point here about linking is in the actual comment when people link to unrelated posts – linking in the informational part is different. Thanks for stopping by Daria

  31. 31
    Emma says:

    I am also new to blogging! So I appreciate your tips on what not to do. It is people like you I am leaning on for your experience and example.

    • 31.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      We all learn together. I know many bloggers seethe about the behavior too, I just figured (and took a chance) I would put it out there and state it.

  32. 32
  33. 33
    Tara says:

    Excellent post!

  34. 34

    Love this! Yes don’t get me started on auto DM’s…I cringe every single time!

  35. 35
    Jacqui says:

    Niri, what were you thinking posting this??? I mean all the things you pointed out are completely logical! LOL. Love this post! Wonderful job. I’ve only asked for one invite to an event. Don’t think I begged, but as you said. Everyone has at one point or another. You want to be able to meet fellow bloggers and sometimes it is hard to get your foot in the door.

    Love you!

    • 35.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Oh Jacqui, when I said begged I meant begged. Everyone loves getting an invite and asking once (or twice) online is fine but watch the tweet-stream sometimes and you can be pretty embarrassed by your peers.

      We all help each other get ahead, I know I have helped and been helped and I never forget being helped. What I was thinking was that while most understand and respect fellow friendships some have been pushing limits and even to some extents have started exploiting that very friendship.

      Love ya too!

  36. 36
    Mrs. White says:

    Blogging is evolving and still so new. I’m glad to see someone finally write some etiquette “rules.”

  37. 37
    marina says:

    So much wisdom in a single post.
    I admit asking my readers to “Love” vote my blog( if they read the same and enjoy the posts) in an ongoing contest that actually doesn’t have any prizes (I know what am I thinking?…Guess its just the “Feel Happy” Factor…Sigh!)

    Re sharing my contacts is something you have put into perspective for me. I have shared contacts and have felt guilty if I have been asked and not shared the same but I see it now from the sponsor’s point of view…Thank you!!

    • 37.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      As long as it works for you. The other voting that gets me (may warrant a separate post on that) is other sites you make you link a vote for me badge just to garner traffic. Frankly the voting thing just stinks of someone else having fun at our hard work.

    • 37.2
      Mommy Niri says:

      As long as it works for you. The other voting that gets me (may warrant a separate post on that) is other sites you make you link a vote for me badge just to garner traffic. Frankly the voting thing just stinks of someone else having fun at our hard work.

  38. 38
    Allie says:

    I love you Niri – this needs to be part of a terms of service for all people when they start a blog.

  39. 39

    I get annoyed when I get requests to vote for people who other than a “request for a vote” don’t part their lips to speak.

    Nothing says “selfish and self-absorbed” quite like that.

  40. 40
    Holly says:

    Saw your tweet about voting and had to come read your article! It’s funny because just today, voting began for my local paper’s blog awards. I don’t see anything wrong with asking people to vote for you if you’re not obnoxious about it. If an online friend of mine were up for an award, I would want to know about it so I could vote for her/him.

    • 40.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I think I have to write a separate post just on the voting thing to explain properly. Thanks Holly for stopping by!

  41. 41

    Niri, I knew we were friends for some reason ;) If there were 80 like buttons, I’d click them!

  42. 42
    Peggy Dolane says:

    So, I get the “don’t” list…. but am wondering what *DO* you find acceptable ways for brands to run social promotions?

    Voting used to be fun, until everyone flooded the market with it. Same goes with brand engagement — I used to be excited to see a brand on Twitter, now that everyone is there it’s just so much noise.

    Yet I do accept that brands need to get something out of their social media efforts… thus the voting fad. Voting encourages your message will be spread.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts.

    • 42.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      That’s the issue – getting more creative takes time and voting is well, easy. There is no 5 minute way to come up with ways but I don’t agree that the message is spread. People forget and awareness is not really created – neither is brand loyalty. Immersion into a brand takes time but is worth the effort because then the work is less later and it is viral on its own.

      I have seen some brands come up with innovative and respectful ideas and actually join in because of that. Not only are we irritated we are bored as well.

  43. 43
    Carissa says:

    There’s a line and we all have to figure out where it is and when to cross it and when to stay the heck BACK as far as we can.

    The vote getting is painful. The end. Stay far back.

    And we all have various lines for everything else, right?
    I think you hit the nail when you mention TRUST.
    Recently I sent out a DM, the person responded with is this really you? I said yes. She said, oh in the case what can I do for you.

    I love the learning process BTW. :)

  44. 44
    Chez Us says:

    Can you hear me? I am standing up on my desk, giving you the biggest SHOUT-OUT for this post. It is really well-written, and said. Could not agree with you more. For instance, the announcement last week, that Saveur made, to vote for your favorite food blog, filled my FB and Tweeter streams with tons of pleads. As well as my in-box .. vote for ME. Hey, what about voting for the sites, that you like, love, and read. Karma. What comes around, goes around. Cream rises to the top.

    Thanks for sharing your feelings, and opinions with us all. BRAVO!

  45. 45
    Nisrine says:

    Great post. I have made some of the mistakes you talked about. We need to get educated in social media before we dive in.

  46. 46
    Leighann says:

    Love this!!
    Great advice.

  47. 47
    Jean Parks says:

    They need to put this onto the sign up form when people are opening blogger, wordpress, Facebook & Twitter accounts, make em read it & digitally sign that they agree to these rules of conduct as a condition of opening an account.

    Seriously,loving your style here!

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