Today I Screwed Up!

MY VIEWS | | December 15, 2010 at 9:05 pm

For all the things that went well this year I managed to make them a blur in face of my behavior today. I normally joke about me getting the worst parent award, well today I would happily take the award. Today is day that will haunt me forever. It started as a crazy day with my 5 year old throwing a tantrum about not having her choice of clothing and when I pointed her to the schedule stating that today was gym so she could not wear a dress she was livid but I was adamant. I probably should have seen the warning bells but I was too absorbed in “my rules especially since we are late” type of mood.

Then after dragging her 3 year old sister to Home Depot in temperatures in the low 20’s I encountered more bouts of crying. I deserved that – what was I thinking taking her there? Today was a day my daughter took the bus home since she did not have therapy right after, which meant a longer day at school. When she got home I quickly took out her school folder, like I normally do, to see the day’s progress report. I saw that she had a fabulous and sang well. Then I read in the special activity slot “Winter Concert

I turned to my daughter and asked her if today was her concert, almost dreading the response since I thought I could guess the answer. As she burst into tears saying “Mama everyone’s mama and papa came and you did not come!” my heart broke into a million pieces. In between the cries of “Don’t talk to me anymore” I was trying to piece together how did I miss this. I knew a PJ day coming up for a Polar Express and I thought maybe a month ago something about a winter concert, but no reminders nothing.

When I asked her why did she not mention anything – she replied that was why she wanted a dress today. Then she told me that one of her teachers said she would be her mom for the event. I was so devastated. She loves performances and pretends to stage shows all the time.

Someday I may feel better and forgive myself but today I feel like crap and I deserve to!

24 Comments

  1. 1

    Oh sweetie it happens to the best of us! I got stuck at home trying to get a guy to move his car from in front of my driveway and missed my daughter’s song today. She was crushed and I was crushed but she kept that dress on and we did a whole big show at home too. I know it totally stinks and every day I wish all these school reminders were electronic or tweeted or something that was easier to follow! Hugs!

  2. 2
    A. Fictum says:

    This too shall pass…I know it doesn’t mean a lot now…to either of you. If you can – you should plan a “special” day with just her to do something…like get a pedicure/manicure. Imagine how “grown up” she’ll feel and how extra special it will be spending the time with her momma! Then – when she’s all pretty and you get home – have her put on her dress and give you your own personal concert. Maybe even have a couple of flowers tucked away to give them to her at the end. Life just sometimes gets in the way of our good intentions. Most importantly – snuggle up with her tonight, tell her how sorry you are and how much you wished you could have been there and that you love her VERY much…

  3. 3
    melanie says:

    Well I would certainly take it just as hard as you did, but you have to give yourself some slack. We all make mistakes. The fact that you are taking this as hard as you are proves that you are a good parent. A few weeks from now this will be a distant memory and another opportunity to support your child at school will occur. For now, bake a batch of Christmas cookies with her or any other one on one activity and I bet she will cherish that memory as much as the one you think she lost.

  4. 4

    Niri — This is a toughie. I found the transition from preschool to kindergarten hardest with my oldest daughter. By the 2nd and 3rd child kindergarten was easy. I left the friendly world of my oldest’s preschool with the face-to-face encounters with teachers at the beginning and end of the day, the notes, and the information for the barren, information-light world of kindergarten. Teachers, administrators, and staff are more used to dealing with moms/dads who have kids who have gone through the school that they sometimes forget that a kindegartener is not a good teller of information. You did your best. It was an honest oversight. Your daughter will forget even if you don’t. Undoubtedly there were kids in her class who also didn’t have a parent at the concert. There is one plus, you will never again miss a concert!

  5. 5
    Meghan says:

    Ack. I am sooooooo sorry, Niri. I would feel the same way. My heart breaks for you both. It will heal with yours as well.

    *deep breaths*

    (I’ve been dropping balls left and right this week, if it makes you feel any better.)

    What sweet teachers, btw!

  6. 6

    Oh my goodness, I am sooooo sorry!!!!

    I can totally see how that could happen… I can’t believe there were no reminders.

    We just finished the 3rd performance of Julia’s winter concert and there were lots of reminders especially since we had to BUY tickets.

    It is crazy all the school stuff we have to remember as moms, I’m losing my mind already and Julia is only in Kindergarten.

    Try to take it easy on yourself.

  7. 7
    Crystal says:

    Oh no,it’s ok though.Seriously no reminders at all,not even from your daughter? Honey, with mom brain 24/7 it’s amazing that moms don’t need reminded to breath !

  8. 8
    Cindy says:

    I’m so sorry but realize that it’s happened to most of us. Maybe take the time over the weekend to have her rehearse it for you personally and buy her a small bouquet of flowers.

  9. 9
    Kelly says:

    Aw sweetie, I’m so sorry. :(
    I had one of those moments this year too. Forgot about an event at school and my 8 yo said practically the same thing. I couldn’t make it anyway because it was pickup time for her little brother, but I wish I had at least been able to tell her I wouldn’t be there. :(

  10. 10
    Amy B. says:

    Ugh, this is so hard. We all have these moments, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I agree with the other suggestions — do something special with her to make it up to her. She’ll probably remember that longer than she will the concert or your forgetting.

  11. 11
    Molly says:

    Oh Niri, I have so been there. And it’s painful and it sucks. Ask for a special performance in the living room, complete with treats? At least that is what I have done…

  12. 12

    Oh no! I have certainly had those moments as a mom. I have forgotten plenty of things. I would take her out for ice cream or something to make her feel special.

  13. 13
    jessica says:

    oh boy :( this is clearly guilt that you’re going to need to wallow in for a while, so i’ll avoid the plattitudes (it does happen to the best of us, though ;)
    it sounds like you’re going to need to ask for a reenactment or two, complete with said requested twirly dress. if you want to take the chance that the answer will be completely impossible, you could ask her how you could make it up to her…
    whatever you decide, special treats for all concerned are clearly in order…and i’m thinking that yours should probably involve a great big shot of something mood altering!

  14. 14

    Please don’t be too hard on yourself! We’ve all been there. Make her some hot chocolate and cookies tonight and ask her to sing it for you then. It seems huge now, but in the long run the things you don’t miss will so far outweigh the few things you do, that it will hardly be a blip in her memory.
    And then someday she’ll be a mom and will call you feeling like the worst mom in the world for something similar and you’ll tell her this story, and she’ll tell you that you’re the best mom in the whole world for making her feel better. :-)

  15. 15

    I can just imagine how you feel. I’d apologize and try to make it up to her in some way, nothing overboard. I can still remember the mistakes I’ve made, but as my daughters get older, we can laugh about them.

  16. 16

    You don’t deserve to feel crappy. Really. Just the fact that you say you should makes you a good mom. You do your best, but even the best of us just can’t do it all – or remember it all. I’m sorry you missed it and sorry how you feel, but you know you are a good mom, and nothing changes that.

  17. 17
    Lisa says:

    Babe. I am so sorry. You are a good Mom and you did your best. We all try our best, but there are days when we are only mediocre (at least by our SuperMom standards). I’m sorry you missed it, but you’re fabulous. Don’t ever forget it.

  18. 18
    Jerelyn says:

    I am so sorry to hear this. I understand how bad you must feel. Maybe the teacher can put you in touch with a parent that videotaped and you can borrow it or make a copy. That way you can make it a celebration and watch it.

  19. 19
    Dagmar says:

    Forgetting the holiday party supply is as bad as it got this year for me, but I’m sure that’s just the beginning of little screw-ups. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Niri, you are allowed to forget things once in a while.

    Good lesson for your little girl that adults forget important things sometimes as well, but that it was an honest mistake. Nothing an extra cuddle and shared cookie can’t help :)

    Dagmar
    Dagmar’s momsense

  20. 20
    Tamara says:

    Oh Niri…..I could cry imagining how you feel! But this could happen to any of us, especially around the holidays. Things are so busy and it’s an honest mistake. Let yourself cry for a bit about it for a bit, but don’t beat yourself up about it!!!! Tomorrow WILL be better!

  21. 21

    Oh Niri! I am SO sorry! I want to cry for you.
    There will be other concerts and she will not remember this one. I promise. As for the school, how about a little reminder email next time? Sheesh!

  22. 22
    Mamaspeak says:

    We all do this at some point. As bad as you feel, kids are resilant & she’ll be over it ina day or so, really! Want make it up to her? Give her the opportunity you put on the show just for you guys. She’ll be thrilled. Trust me on this one.

  23. 23
    Fadra says:

    Ahhh, mom guilt. It’s the worst kind of guilt there is. And I know what it’s like to wait for your mom to show and she never does. But the reaction you had to it makes all the difference in the world. They really just want to know you cared. And clearly, you care beyond words. Parents make mistakes too. A lesson your daughter can actually learn from!

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