Why I Won’t Let Someone Make Me Feel Like I Don’t Belong!

MY VIEWS, SOCIAL MEDIA | | May 11, 2010 at 8:12 pm

I was at an event in NYC earlier in the year when a blogger, who identified enough with me (I am glad she did) and confided “Don’t you hate these things where you feel left out!”. I answered no. Many of the famous bloggers would, I am sure, want only the top people in their presence. When you are a lil old blogger trying to find your footing it can be intimidating. Add to that a person of color and you could so easily dig a trench around you.

I shared with her something I am about to share with you. While I lived in South Africa I had to move from Durban to Johannesburg to start my career as a software engineer (for distance think Boston and DC) and there was a hip new club (Caesar’s Palace I think). Only thing was the law was just lifted to allow people of color in the club. Needless to say the number of people of color in the club I could have counted on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. At first I did notice the glares and stares and did for a moment want to get out of there. But then I thought, the law has been passed, deal with it!

I will not let someone make me uncomfortable in a place I have every right to be!

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  1. 1

    Thank you for writing this. Im glad your not afraid to stand-up and be noticed. Standing out in a crowd is how we met and a great friendship happened. Continue being you…you have the right.

    • 1.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thank you girl and I love that you add to the rainbow of the blogging business.

    • 1.2
      Jami Becker says:

      Don’t forget, I WILL NOT FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE IN PLACES WHERE SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT WANT ME BUT OTHERS ARE PROFOUNDLY HAPPY TO WELCOME ME! No to minds are alike- and reading someone else’s mind is impossible. It SUCKS to stand out and it SUCKS to wonder what others are thinking but curious people while being truly annoying do not necessarily equal contempt. DANCE ALL NIGHT!

  2. 2

    I think this statement can apply to so many of life’s situations! I particularly like this statement for the blogosphere:)
    Thanks for sharing:)

  3. 3

    Thanks for sharing this Niri. I struggle with this-I don’t really call it acceptance, or atleass that’s what I have myself believe. I’ve just told myself that there are far better places to be than a place where I feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t always work-and sometimes I raise my chin and go all in, but there are still times, many times when I retreat, and not so regrettably.

    • 3.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I agree that if it adds no value to you skip the event, but the focus of what you get should be about you and the event. Subjecting yourself to this is exhausting – that is true even for a party where you are left out – but not allowing that to roadblock you on a path you really want to go is equally important.

  4. 4

    This is why I love you Niri ! The whole point of this mommy blogging business is not to form the usual social pitfalls and class systems that so many of us are subjected to in life– blogging is the great equalizer- and if you blog you BELONG! MUAH xo

    • 4.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      And me you Melissa. Blogging has been amazing in being a great area to find people of all backgrounds but I do see this influence some how they treat others. A real pity to miss the whole kaleidoscope of bloggers.

  5. 5
    Janna M says:

    I love this idea. We can only feel what we allow ourselves to feel.
    You can only be yourself and if someone else doesn’t like then it’s their loss.
    The photo of you with your girls is great.

    • 5.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Janna, most times it is really tough keeping the faith – almost like swimming against the tide – but I have yet to find it not worth it.

  6. 6
    Anita says:

    Hear, hear! :) (or is that supposed to be “here, here”?) ;)

  7. 7
    Lauralee Hensley says:

    Truly the only person that can make anyone feel inferior is themselves. I’m glad you knew you weren’t and had every right to be where you wanted to be.

  8. 8
    Molly says:

    So well said Niri! I agree. I think so often we put inferiority on ourselves more than anyone else puts it on us!

  9. 9
    Deb Rox says:

    Abso-freaking-lutely. I love this!

    • 9.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Deb – and I just realized that this is appropriate for anyone – anywhere being made to feel an outcast.

  10. 10
    Vikki says:

    I really really need to keep this in mind. Thanks for the courage booster shot.

  11. 11
    newyorkmom says:

    Add me to the rainbow of bloggers! I often feel left out at events and and totally share your feelings on this subject.

  12. 12

    Mommy Niri, Can I clone you and have you be my BFF? Sometimes we don’t say things out loud b/c we’re afraid of the consequences. We’re girls, we’re supposed to be sweet and nice. But, the reality of it is that we’re not always that way. Hence movies like ‘Mean Girls’, which are more documentary than fiction.

    My husband tells me all the time that only I can give someone permission to make me feel bad. And I know he’s right. But he’s not a girl. He doesn’t always ‘get it’.

    Thank you for saying this. I want to say that this statement is not dependent on color or ethnicity or age or educational background or financial status. We need to band together and put this to an end.

    We need to stand tall and NEVER give anyone permission to make us feel like we don’t belong. Wherever I choose to be, I belong! I belong because I have a just as much right to be there as anyone else.

    There needs to be a sign — check your drama llama at the door!

    We, as women, do quite a bang-up job of tearing each other down. It is very sad.

    I stand with you!

    A million thanks!

  13. 13
    Lily says:

    This is something I have cried to my hubby many times about. Being made to feel so insignificant and out of place,even when the bigger blogger has come to me for help, I have still been made to feel small and meaningless. It does hurt.

  14. 14
    ArtSnark says:

    wise & concise post. You bring a thought provoking perspective to this situation

  15. 15
    adiaha says:

    WOw! you are so awesome! I am grateful for this and our previous conversation….Mommy Niri, I love you!


  16. 16
    Alexandra says:

    Have spent the last half hour reading your posts and enjoying them so much. You write honestly and cut through all the junk. I found you through the BlogHer post at Complicated Mama. I love it here…. so glad ppl are blogging about BLogHer, b/c that brought me here.

    I just subscribed. This is incredibly real writing.

    Thank you.

  17. 17

    I agree with you, thanks for posting this.

  18. 18

    I will recall this post when I am feeling that way

  19. 19

    Amen! We all have a right to belong. I struggle with this, oh HOW I struggle. Thanks for the encouragement.

  20. 20
    Shell says:

    I LOVE this. And think I’m going to write it down to remember. Now that I’m going!!!! ;)

  21. 21

    What a great post. Power to you!!!

  22. 22

    This is awesome, Niri. I totally agree. We’ve got to have confidence in ourselves first – as a blogger, as a woman, as a mom, etc. Then others will believe in us and have confidence in us too! No such thing as “not belonging.”

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