Friday 5: 5 Reasons Big Bloggers Need To Be Nice To Small Bloggers!

FRIDAY 5, SOCIAL MEDIA | | May 13, 2010 at 8:51 pm

I know those adjectives “big” and “small” suck but go with my poetic heading, which is easier on the ears than it’s polictically correct cousin. For the rest of this post though my point is those bloggers who are a little more established, not necessarily writing for longer but more in the limelight – or maybe blog-light, compared to those who are not so.  This Friday as part of my Friday 5 series I needed to get some of these thoughts off my chest.

  • They may not be as small as you think.

    Sure the squeaky wheel gets the grease but dynamite comes in small packages. Sometimes that little blogger you have been ignoring may just well be the “famous” blogger you have been dying to meet.  There are more little people and coming from South Africa, and having seen Apartheid topple before my very eyes I know that the little people count, and have power.

  • Mind your manners.

    People are noticing. Seriously you can be amazed at just what you see and hear (when you shut up).  The dismissing behavior or the “hello-how-are-you?” and then look away before they respond, or the “Let’s look for someone more important in the room” gets noticed. I think I fall somewhere in the middle but if I had to choose a corner it would be on the side of the smaller blogger (I meant in blogger status not physical size so cut that out) and I have watched how uncomfortable “smaller” bloggers are made to feel. That makes me lose a ton of respect for those dishing out the arrogance. Sometimes big people, who have respect for all, actually see what you do and I got news for you – They are not impressed either.

  • Small people become big people.

    People grow, and so do bloggers. Actually bloggers grow faster, sometimes. I notice some “big” bloggers only follow and talk to “big” bloggers on twitter and ignore people. Then you see some smaller bloggers do amazing work and shine and when they are the toast of the town get the “approval” to the “I will tweet you back/or better yet actually follow you back” group.

  • New to blogging does not mean new to life.

    You learn something new everyday. You learn more when you learn to listen. My favorite time at any conference – getting to know someone new over chai or chatting in my room. That alone is worth any conference money I spend (ok I am still broke from the gazillion # of conferences but stay focused here)! Just because someone’s blog was born yesterday does not mean that they were. People have so much of really inspiring richness that they have experienced in their life. Understanding all of this background not only makes for an enriching viewpoint and a tolerance to support networking efforts but actually gives you great fodder, in the form of ideas, for your blog.

  • Small is the new big!

    It is. Everyone wants something personally crafted, hand stitched, locally made and less cookie cutter feel. Think of how many blogs sound the same. Being able to still identify with the mainstream people means you have to live and talk with them. People talk about blogging karma and I think that word is abused so much it makes my tummy hurt. Doing good is not you rub a big blogger’s back so she can rub yours later!

You may want to read my post on “Why I Won’t Let Someone Make Me Feel Like I Don’t Belong“! that actually came out of me trying to write this post. Having said this there are several amazing bloggers who are successful both in blogging and how they treat everyone. Let’s work to be nice, not just to the top notch ones.

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154 Comments

  1. 1
    Megan says:

    You have always been very nice to me, and I consider myself a microscopic blogger! =)

    But if I ever get big I will always encourage the little guys – because as you have said – small people become big people and they remember!!

    xoxo

    • 1.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      You are anything but microscopic Megan and who cares anyway. You are a mama whom I love tweeting with and am looking forward to meet soon.

    • 1.2

      Megan, if your microscopic then I’m invisible!
      I am beyond new to this blogging world and what I’ve realized more than anything else is that there some many great people out there doing this with so much to offer.
      Thanks Mommy Niri for encouraging us newbies who are a little green but very eager. I’m glad to have been introduced to your site with this article.
      Conferences? Wow, I am new!

  2. 2

    You know, my friend… I do adore you. There are too many reasons why, but I will say this – you are honest, you are trustworthy, you have a beautiful spirit and a kind soul. Big, little, small, large, crazy, silly, happy, sad….we do all have something to add to the conversation.

    I love that you are willing to say what is on your mind – and small really is the new big.

    (but honestly….the small/big baffles me….I want to talk to the person – not their blog)

    xoxo

    • 2.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Blushing profusely – thank you Danielle. I have been blown away by you when we did the Snazl and was intimidated to talk to you but I was shocked you were so friendly. I chalked it up to an online friendship. Then we met at Type A and you hugged me – the rest is history.

    • 2.2

      Thumbs up on Danielle for being an approachable, supportive and extraordinary “big blogger”!

  3. 3
    Kate Hayes says:

    I agree with Megan – you certainly practice what you preach! Thanks for being nice to me too…and I think every big blogger should heed your advice. Some of us may be newer to the world of social media, but we are experts from other fields, including parenting, and we do have a thing or two to say worth reading. :)

    • 3.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Kate, thank you. I think when you sit still for a moment, online and offline you learn so much.

  4. 4
    holly fink says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I am a small blogger looking to learn from more accomplished bloggers and often do feel intimidated. Kate, you are right – we are all experts from other fields and do have much to say. I also realize this world is still relatively new and there is, indeed, room for me as I find my way. Given the fact that in my own short time as a blogger, I have met amazing people like you, Niri, is a gift.

    • 4.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I feel the same way about you Holly – meeting you at Time To Play and the instant warmth we shared makes m confident we will be friends for a long time.

  5. 5
    duongsheahan says:

    Great post and you have highlighted some very good points! Sometimes we need to reminded of where we came from regardless if one is a BIG blogger or BIG in other areas of life.

    I experienced Point #2 at a conference with someone I had been tweeting with when we met IRL—it was exactly as you described which revealed to me the true nature of a the person. Enjoy your post & great encouragements. Keep it up!

    • 5.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      That amazes me girl that it happens at every level. I would never have dreamed that would happen to you. See we never forget those moments.

  6. 6
  7. 7
    Josie Brown says:

    Beautifully put. We all start somewhere! Besides, it’s just good karma to be supportive to everyone else, at all stages of the game. Keep writing your beautifully insightful posts, Niri!

    —Josie Brown
    Author, Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives
    [Simon & Schuster; In bookstores June 1, 2010]

    • 7.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Josie, but now I am off to check deets on that book. With a title like that it sounds something spicy :)

  8. 8
    Valerie says:

    I really enjoyed reading this! There are few among us who don’t feel like the “little guy” in certain situations and I think we always remember those who are gracious and kind (as well as those who are superior and dismissive)

    • 8.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Yes, Valerie. We never forget and the next time I see the person I am civil and polite but keep my extra warmth in my pocket for the next deserving soul

  9. 9
    newyorkmom says:

    Another great point of view. I am actually writing about my experience with this. I am a new new new blogger and I feel left out a lot in the NYC scene. Kinda throws me back in HS…the seniors vs the freshman type thing.

    • 9.1

      You comment makes me sad, because I love the NYC area mom bloggers/feel like we are very inclusive.

      Due to time restrictions, I don’t go to as many events & stuff, but I will make a special effort to pull you in when I see you at things.

      (Not that I’m “big” or anything. I just don’t like for people to feel left out…)

      • 9.1.1
        Mommy Niri says:

        Kim from knowing you personally I can safely say that contrary to what you believe, not everyone is as nice as you. I know how much you try to include people but sadly there are not many people who think like you.

        • 9.1.1.1

          Thanks for the compliment Niri. (I guess that is why my husband still calls me “Pollyanna”!)

          • 9.1.1.1.1
            newyorkmom says:

            I agree…there are many NYC bloggers who are UBER helpful and friendly and really engage the ‘newbies’ in events, convo’s etc. but I do still feel intimidated and a bit lonely at events..ya know. and YES I have certainly had a few “disses”.

      • 9.1.2

        Kim, I dont think being left out of events is what Niri means…Im invited to many events where I know the moms from seeing them on a regular and still I notice the cold shoulder treatment or the grouping with only other “cool’ bloggers. It’s happened to me and I’ve seen it done to other bloggers better known then me. We’re not all treated equal or as beloved like you =]

    • 9.2

      Hi, I’m a new mom in the NYC scene, too, just starting to connect. Come find me at http://www.nycmomsblog.com/. It’s a very inclusive bunch of mom bloggers. Would love to meet you some time.

  10. 10

    SUCH a good post! It’s that “I only talk/read the big bloggers” that always makes me feel like the blogosphere is just High School all over again. And well, in High School? I was the girl in the corner hanging out with all the other kids no one wanted to talk to. It was where we allowed ourselves to be real!

  11. 11

    Thank you for writing this. Just last night I was speaking with a blogger who is bigger than me in the size of her blog and her ‘stats’. But she’s smaller than the one’s she looks up to. Both of us had similar experiences that you described. It being treated like we were nothing. I blew it off b/c, well, I’ve only been blogging for 4 months (this time around).

    But you’re right! I wasn’t born yesterday. I do count, my opinion counts.

    And let me make this very clear, us ‘little bloggers’ will remember. I may be an old dog but I have the memory of an elephant. I will remember the nasty treatment you gave me, big blogger. I will remember the dismissive tone of your big bloggyness. And one day I will be a ‘big blogger’ and I will not hesitate to leave you, big blogger, in the dust.

    Again, thank you for saying this. I appreciate that you have the strength within you — and likely the support behind you — to put yourself out there like this.

    • 11.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Sara. I never thought about the impact – I just tried to put this in a way that was not cheap, sarcastic and belittling. The fact that so many commented says how many share those feelings. If I ruffle a few feathers out there I don’t mean to, but I am glad that so many bloggers (who for a crazy reason think they are small) felt a place they could share.

  12. 12
    • 12.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks girl – I have to love a blogger with a cool blog name (can you tell I am a die-hard SATC fan?)

  13. 13
    drlori71 says:

    Great post! I’m a small blogger. Smaller than small. Tiny. But that’s ok. I don’t need thousands of readers…I’m happy if I get any at all :-)

    • 13.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Lori – I love that Babrie pic for your Wordless Wednesday. Big and small are relative but making people feelbig or small is unacceptable

  14. 14

    Do you see a lot of big bloggers being mean to small bloggers?

    • 14.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Mean is subjective I guess, but rude – YES!

      • 14.1.1

        I guess rude could be subjective too! I try not to be mean or rude to anyone, but I have found that the bigger my blog gets, the more requests I am having to deal with on a daily basis. I’m not complaining (except for the REALLY BAD pitches), but it does mean that I have less time to respond to each one. Whereas I may have written a whole blog post or lengthy e-mail in response to each e-mail I got in the past, now I’m lucky if I can keep my inbox under control. I may come across as rude sometimes as a result, but I’m just trying to manage my time effectively and continue to do my work/spend time with my family, in spite of the popularity of my blog.

        At events, like BlogHer, I’m usually so thrilled to see the people I haven’t seen in over a year that I probably don’t spend a ton of time talking to new people who introduce themselves to me. But I do try to be nice, to engage them in conversation, etc. But I need to meet my own needs at the same time.

        I think it is great for everyone to be nice and polite, but I think people need to have realistic expectations too. Is that fair?

        • 14.1.1.1
          Mommy Niri says:

          Absolutely – I do the same. I think people misunderstood about talking to everyone to avoiding or dismissing people. I look forward to see people I know too, and am more excited about it, but I am polite to new people, which is more than anyone can expect. I think you being nice when someone say s is hi is all most people need, but I have personally seen people who do totally disregard when I say hello.

          Having said that I am hoping to actually meet you Annie.

          • 14.1.1.1.1

            I hope to meet you too! I’ll be speaking, so the easiest way to track me down is probably to come to my session and then come up and see me afterward. If I don’t run into you before then, that is!

  15. 15
    Patti Davis says:

    This is my first time to your blog, but this is a great post! Sharing on FB! Thanks, Patti

  16. 16
    dwj says:

    I have to say this is so right on and I was talking about this the other day. I’m by no means a big time blogger but when I was first starting out and I started my blog as a project for grad school, blogs that I read for years wouldn’t respond to email questions. I’ve met big bloggers who act like they don’t even want to acknowledge me! Treat everyone fairly, you never know when you might need them too.

    • 16.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Ain’t that the truth – I watch it and it is like a soap in slow motion. Have you noticed that trend on twitter too.

  17. 17
    Kate says:

    Having been snubbed, and personally called out by two ‘big’ bloggers repeatedly on their own sites, these ring very true in my ears. I started blogging in 2006 and right away I realized that the small caliber sites were far more worthy of ‘hanging out’ around than the giants of the blogging world. And in silently reading through the big sites, and seeing what they post, how they talk to their followers and how they are in general, I stand firm by my belief that they’ve grown too big for their britches. It’s nice to see, however, when it comes full circle, and a previously snooty blogger that once really dressed me down on their site now has come back to reading mine and ‘playing nice’ , leaving compliments. For me, that’s just a too little, and way too late. Snub me once, and that’s not so bad. Do it repeatedly, and you’re off the ‘Fun List’. Usually for good.

  18. 18
    Mom Noir says:

    I always see little bits of comments referring to blog drama and I crack up because it is so juvenile. I try hard not to feed into big vs. small because everything is subjective to personal taste. There is enough room for everyone in the blogosphere, hopefully all the players will recognize that.

  19. 19
    Nadia says:

    I agree with you here 100%. I have seen this very thing happen many times and it is quite sad. The “mommy blogger” community is full of amazing, inspiring women that encourage me everyday however I have noticed quite a bit of “cut throat” behavior. Ignoring is very common and frankly, I don’t understand it for the life of me. It is all very disheartening. There is room for everyone.

    This is such a great post and I commend you for your honesty!

  20. 20
    Chandra says:

    I am a “small blogger” (I’ve been around for almost 2 months), and I enjoyed reading this post!

  21. 21

    This is EVERYTHING that I have been thinking and struggling with! Thank you for writing it!! I’m going to post this link to my blog’s facebook & twitter page!! I think being nice to others is just good for the soul, in addition to being good for business. I’m not sure that those mean bloggers (big or small) realize how much their reputation precedes them!! Honestly – we small(er) bloggers talk and we warn each other and we know who is naughty and who is nice – and we definitely play favorites – sorry, but that is just the way it goes! The same way that I am very careful with the companies I sponsor or support, I have to pay attention just as much to the bloggers that I sponsor and support – I don’t want to be associated with people who are not respectful and kind.

    So – preach it, sista!

  22. 22
    Janna M says:

    All these comments are very insightful. As a new(2 weeks now) blogger, I haven’t come across any drama. It’s nice to know there are nice people out there who are supportive no matter what. Everyone has something to contribute. New bloggers bring fun and enthusiasm and the established bloggers bring their wisdom and experience.

  23. 23
    Molly says:

    I love this. And especially love your comment that “New to blogging doesn’t mean new to life.” So agree. Everyone has something to say. And none of it is more important than the other.

    Happy Friday, friend!

  24. 24

    Great article/advice. I’m new to blogging and I don’t have the desire to become a huge blogger but I would hate to not get respect for being “small.” I work two jobs and between that and life I don’t have a great deal of time to blog but I’m still learning too. I also don’t want to put my son “out there” on my blog as many bloggers do with their children for a personal reason but I love reading blogs and have a lot of respect for bloggers big and small and I want the same!

  25. 25
    Heather says:

    Hi, came over from twitter and this post has me honestly astounded. I must have my head in the sand because I really don’t know who the big bloggers are vs the small ones. I mean, I know who the ‘community leaders’ are like Kelby or say Trisha of MomDot, but as far as who has bigger readership, or traffic, or has earned the most appliances I really don’t pay attention or keep score. Do others? I guess they must or you wouldn’t have written this. All I care about is which blogs I love to read and who I feel I have something in common with.

    I guess that means I’d be the one in the room snubbing the ‘big’ guy and looking around for my friends.

  26. 26

    I also wanted to add that we all tend to forget that outside the immediate blogosphere we’re ALL small fries. I mean, just ask some random person on the street if they’ve ever heard of Dooce or Amalah. Odds are they’ll look at you like you’re nuts. It helps to remember that when we’re all gathered together and it feels so segregated.

  27. 27

    This is so true Niri! I made mention of this “not-so-made-up” hierarchy in the blogging world in a post on Blog Conference Newbie, because so many newer bloggers feel that they are so small in the saturated sea of bloggers.

    Thanks for being real!

    Tamara

  28. 28

    Unfortunately, I have experienced the scenario you described and it does feel crappy to be the snubee in the corner. Although my blog will be a year old next week, I am still very, very small. I don’t carry business cards or have impressive stats, but I do enjoy my blog and love connecting with others. My only claim to fame is that Jenny the Bloggess reads & commented (twice) on my blog. She rocks and is a great example of a big (high profile) blogger who does care about everyone. I wish everyone had her attitude.

    • 28.1

      Now I’m all blushy. Thanks, Janis.

      PS. I often feel “snubbed” at events (both blogging and non-blogging) because of my own shyness and anxiety disorder and I have to remind myself to take a deep breath, stop hiding in the bathroom and try again. So often I’m just projecting my own insecurities onto other people who were just too wrapped up in their own self-esteem issues to realize that they were making others feel unwanted. I always give everyone a second chance and it usually works out for everyone. And if they’re still mean after the second chance I burn their house down. But first I get all their pets out. Because I’m a nice person.

      • 28.1.1

        Even your comments on other blogs crack me up.

        I agree with Janis… It is nice to know that a blogger as popular as you are still takes time to say hi to some of us smaller bloggers.

        Looking forward to The People’s Party at Blogher!

      • 28.1.2

        “other people who are wrapped up in their own self-esteem issues” – boy, doesn’t that pretty much describe ALL of us? :) Love you Jenny – and don’t you dare stop “hiding in the bathroom” – it’s what makes the bathrooms so fun to hang out in… knowing you’ll be there holding up the mirror in your confidence wig!!

      • 28.1.3

        I agree, oh and I tried that whole 2nd chance thing…well let’s just say I’ll have an address for you tomorrow. ;)

    • 28.2

      dude, that’s one more comment than I’ve gotten from her, but yeah, she does rock – and she’s a great role model — but I doubt that will be your “only claim to fame” in the long run!

  29. 29

    Definitely a great post and you should always show respect to every blogger!

  30. 30
    Robin says:

    It is so true that the little guy in the corner, may just blow past the puffed up blow hards. Elitism does not grow community, after all.

  31. 31

    Hi, I’m another one of the newer, smaller mom bloggers here, and I want to thank you for this post & the discussion you’ve started. At the beginning I blogged in a vacuum (mostly because the force compelling me to blog was caring for my dying father, so I was not exactly in a social space at the time) but have just recently begun writing with and getting to know the moms on the SVMG “NYC Moms Blog”. I am about to go to my first meet up with other bloggers, and have not yet thought at all about the dynamics (did I mention I hated high school?) Thankfully, the SVMG has been really welcoming, so, so far, so good. I’m guessing BlogHer this summer will be a thousand times more intense, and an eye opener. Added to this is that I have a special needs child (autism spectrum) and that community is particularly inclusive and supportive vs. competitive, so I think that’s been really helpful. Nice to “meet” you and I appreciate your opening up this topic.

    • 31.1

      There are a lot of amazing women at BlogHer (and some amazing men too!) and you’ll see the good, the bad, the confused, the ecstatic and every other type in between! But if you see me? (I’ll be on the wall usually) Come hang out with me… because we all have one thing in common – we love blogging! :)

  32. 32

    Very well said, Niri. I have to say, I’ve seen this happen at an event, where someone too big for their britches snubbed someone after they spotted the name on their name-tag wasn’t significant enough to warrant a smile let alone an introduction, or moment of their precious time. Really sad if you ask me.

    I have met some truly amazing women, women I look up to and women I am happy to call friends after being able to put a face to the name and speaking with them face-to-face. You never know how a person is until you’re standing there before them, eye-to-eye. Why would anyone write someone off before they’ve been given a chance?

  33. 33

    Nicely said…and so true. In the blogging world and in real life! For me, it’s an irony that I’m seen as new in the food blogging world, yet I started putting recipes online in 1995 (you read that right – I own a web company IRL!). I just didn’t make it a career option but a personal passion. I do chuckle when a ‘bigger’ blogger acts like the food expert of the world though I was most likely cooking when they were in diapers!

    I’ve made some true friendships in the blogging world and that would not have happened if so many people weren’t genuine and helpful to all. A big ego is as unimpressive to me in this online world as it is in a local Chamber; and eventually that attitude does not serve those well who think so highly of themselves.

  34. 34

    I found you via Twitter and bloggers without makeup today. The ironic thing is that I have been feeling EXACTLY like this lately. I have felt snubbed by a few “Big” bloggers lately. I don’t understand it I try to be nice to everyone. Thanks for writing this. Maybe they don’t realize what they do, this post might open a few eyes.

  35. 35
    Jersey Mom says:

    This is a great post. No matter BIG or small, people (bloggers) should have respect for each other. =) I began blogging in Feb. and have met many great people to exchange ideas with. It’s a big world; with an open mind, we can learn so much!

  36. 36
    Jessica says:

    Great advice! It is always good to be nice to others- true in life and in blogging.

    Thanks,
    Jessica

  37. 37
    Briana says:

    The post is true in so many ways! And you have to be one of the easiest people to talk to! You may not remember me but we sat at breakfast together during the Ninja event last fall!

    • 37.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Um – Briana – not only do I remember but I also remember tweeting with you the day before.

    • 37.2

      Niri really is the one of the sweetest down to earth bloggers Ive met! :)

      • 37.2.1
        Zippy says:

        I agree Cora – Niri is just one of those people that makes you feel welcome and included whether you’re an old friend or someone she met 2 minutes ago. But then again – so are you.

    • 37.3
      Momma D says:

      Niri truly is one of the nicest, welcoming people I have met at blogging events! Was wonderful to sit and get to know her at Martha Stewart, and has been wonderful tweeting with her from time to time. She truly is kind to bloggers of all shapes and sizes!

  38. 38
    Kelly says:

    Niri, thank you for writing this-what clearly helped so many other people.

    I have to say I have never experienced the kind of snubbing you are talking about. I have seen my share of drama, but I usually walk away from it. When I am unintentionally in the middle of it, I do what any human being with a heart should do-I apologize and try to make it right.

    I guess I’m fortunate since I got to meet some amazing, helpful, and open bloggers early on, and they were great models.

    Having only met you recently I will say you are one of the many bloggers I have met who has impressed me with their openness, honesty, and welcoming smiles (or hugs!).

    Can’t wait to see you again!

    • 38.1
      Julie says:

      Kelly, we’re really lucky to be in such a great community of local bloggers (Philly). We have big and smal bloggers, and a lot in the middle. And we’re a super-supportive group.

      Sadly, its not like this everywhere.

  39. 39
    Julie says:

    Niri, Thank you for the post. Its always the few that stick out, right? I mean, really, there aren’t that many BIG bloggers who are like this, but there are the few and they could really use a lesson… or several.

    It was so nice meeting you last month. I was just sorry we didn’t actually do more than a quick “hello.” Next time, for sure.

  40. 40
    Cecily says:

    This is so great. I don’t know if you’d call me a “big” blogger now, but I certainly remember those that have been nice to me over the six years I’ve been blogging. I also try VERY hard to be nice to everyone too, although I sure have my bad days and can be a bitch. :D

  41. 41

    Niri this is an awesome post.

    So needed and I was actually about to post something similar… but trying to get the right words and not put my foot in my mouth…. I tend to go off on tangents when I feel passionately about something.

    Can’t wait to hear you speak at EVO! …and cant wait to hang and chat some more too!

  42. 42

    I experienced this at BlogHer last year. I was actually snubbed and pretty much pushed off a dance floor at a BlogHer party last year. Some of these women know nothing about me. They don’t know my education, where I live, where I work..nothing.

    Unfortunately, blogging has turned into a sort of mean girls club.

    No matter who you are, I will treat you the same. I will respond to the questions in my e-mails. I will add you to my twitter. I will acknowledge you as another human being.

    And the moral of the story….”All you are is another chick with a blog.”

  43. 43
    trisha says:

    I just want to say…why do we care? Honestly. If someone doesnt talk to me or know who I am, i spend about 2.1 seconds thinking why and then I realize…they dont have to get to know me at all.

    I am a stranger, from the internet, to them.

    I dont care how “big” or “small” a blogger is, but i am sure everyone feels a certain amount of shyness or discomfort meeting huge amounts of people in public- most that they do not know.

    Its unfair to assume because of the size of someones site that they not taking time has anything to do with them not wanting to get to know someone. They can be overwhelmed, tired, shy…a million reasons.

    There were 1200+ people at blogher…even if 45 said hi, there was no way I walked out of it knowing more then like 4 people…

    I am a loudmouth..its pretty much impossible to go to an event and NOT meet me if you are within a 10 foot radius…however that kind of personality can also scare people off. I give people hugs, I invade personal space….thats not everyones cup of tea. I am quite sure there are people that tell themselves they wont even pass me least I reach out and grab them.

    I get what everyone is saying, but this is a big world and i cant imagine its that important that someone talk to someone else or why or why not or what their site is or anything else.

    Maybe instead of judging big, small, or in between we start remembering that outside of our sites we are real people that sometimes are shy or have limited time or are doing our best to just keep going each day.

    Its not always about standing out…sometimes fitting in is just hard enough.
    ~Trisha

    • 43.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I think the point is as bloggers we care about everything – we write about everything right. This just needed to be said. It is of course true that not all “top” bloggers display these acts, but by the comments here it is clear that there is a feeling of being dissed, and a place to vent. This post was about levels – because there is, and that is how it is in everything – but about highlighting that our dismissive behavior sometimes hurts, because it really does.

    • 43.2

      I agree with this point 100% Tricia. That blogger that may seem uninterested may be so worried or preoccupied with something that their nonchalant action may be taken as snubness.

      I like what Jenny said about giving someone a second chance meeting. I think it’s only fair before accusing someone of being a snob.

      When I was younger I was kinda quiet and it was mostly b/c we moved every 4 years and it took me time to “get into the conversation” since I didn’t know these “new people” yet, so people took my quietness as snobbishness when really I was only observing.

      We can’t assume anything without digging deeper and like Jenny says, give someone a second chance meeting.

      • 43.2.1

        EXACTLY!

        If someone comes up to introduce themselves right before I speak at BlogHer, they will probably get a very different reception than if they come up to me after I’m done speaking. If I have something important on my mind, I may not be able to give that introduction/conversation my fullest.

        Also, if someone comes up to talk to me while I’m listening to someone else speak, I probably will be quite dismissive. I am at BlogHer to listen to others speak and also to give them the respect they deserve when they are speaking instead of having side conversations with people.

  44. 44

    Very interesting post and comments. I have been blogging for almost 2 years, but just started meeting/interacting with other bloggers in real life. So far, it’s been positive, but I must say that I am a very wary of Blogher because I hear so much negativity about this very subject.

  45. 45

    This is so very true! I’m coming up on my one year blogoversary in June and I have made a few genuine friends in the blogoshpere but, you definitely have your clique’s and some can be pretty uninviting.

    I have joined several sites for networking, comment love and showing support. I have found some groups to be more supportive than others and I have tried to join certain groups and have been rejected for one reason or another. I never take any of it to heart! I shake it off and keep on moving!

    I also noticed some bigger established bloggers don’t always like sharing information about how they got to be where they are. I’ve had ppl question me about becoming a product reviewer, mind you I hardly ever review products but, I’ve had PR Cos. approach me to review products and I pass the information on. I don’t feel as though I’m in competition with anyone in the blogosphere and if I have useful information that I can share I will!

    I think my karma is pretty good and just like IRL ppl bump heads, I’ve seen cyber bullying, personal attacks within comments. I’m smart enough to know that if I don’t have a nice way to say anything, I won’t leave a comment. I also know that we are not all going to agree on everything. We are all entitled to our own opinions!

    There’s always comment moderation! I approve all my comments. If someone gets stupid on my comments, I hit DELETE! I won’t even respond to the comment. I don’t do drama IRL so I’m not even going to entertain it in the blogosphere! It’s a waste of time and energy.

    I’m all about building your blog tribe and supporting one another, if you grow that’s fine but keep the same sentiment you started with when you were at the bottom before you became “BIG” established bloggers!

    Off my soap box now!
    That is all!

  46. 46

    Well, I’m a small fish in the ocean that is blogging and suppose if I had attended any conferences or meet-ups or whatever, I might be able to share my experiences but, I haven’t. But I know that had I been able to attend, I’d probably be plastered to the wall with shyness. I honestly don’t know if I could enter a room full of people I don’t know and try to “mingle” without searching desperately for a familiar name as a safety net. I wonder if people are doing that and it’s being mistaken for snobbery? Because otherwise, I simply cannot fathom ignoring people simply because of their stats.

    Other than two “big” names that probably 99% of bloggers know of, I have no idea who is big and who is not. And that’s fine with me because for me, that would make attending any conference much more enjoyable.

  47. 47
    Divina says:

    What a great post! I completely believe in blog karma so I am nice to everyone but mean kids just turn into mean adults sadly.

  48. 48
    Yakini says:

    This is an amazing post, and I definitely think it speaks to how us small/medium bloggers feel! Dismissive behavior definitely hurts, and I do feel there is an unspoken blogger hierarchy that exists.

    Thanks so much for this!!!

  49. 49
    Tess says:

    I have been feeling this way for sometime now. I won’t spend the money to go to any blogging conferences since I hear about all the “big time” bloggers running the place. I recently stopped reading Pioneer Woman’s blog. I really respected her and I know there are alot of bloggers that love her blog (I was one of them!)but, after I sent her an art piece (that I spent hours on) of her dog and then get no response from her To even to let me know she received it-I don’t care if she is big time-it’s common courtesy to thank someone for a gift. I’m sorry, but she’s not that special that she doesn’t have to acknowledge us peabodys. I would never get too big for my britches not to thank a fellow blogger for an act of kindness! Lesson learned!

  50. 50
    Widge says:

    As a small blogger I tend to stay away from the big named bloggers that I found early on in my blogging journey as I never got to make any sort of connection with them. I have made wonderful friendships with other smaller bloggers and now I stay on the lookout for others starting out. Great post. Really it is quite amazing what emotional dynamics us woman bring to things isn’t it? :)

  51. 51
    Tree says:

    What a great post! I know I have felt the same way many times when visiting someone “bigger” than me. I have always been taught and have taught my kids to treat everyone with the same respect you would want to be treated with, and that goes for the blogging world too. Why should it be any different? :)

  52. 52

    Great post! I love how everyone is communicating with one another! I am definitely one of the little guys but I am hoping with my latest post I am helping both the Little Guy and the Big Ones!

    I know with raising a teenaged daughter by myself I have plenty of stories to share, but it is not so easy to share about the fits your teenaged daughter gives you with the world as it is with a little cutie pie baby, which leaves me quite speechless recently.

    I think as bloggers we do best when we write about and focus on what is most important to us and help others along the way as the best as we can!

    Teresa ~ One of the Little Ones!
    @socialpreneurs on Twitter
    http://www.singlemomandteenagedgirl.blogspot.com – Personal Blog
    http://www.societyofsocialpreneurs.blogspot.com ~ Social Media Blog

  53. 53
    Allie says:

    I just chalk t up t there being nice people in the world and not so nice people. I was dissed at blogHer too , but since met much “bigger” bloggers who couldn’t have been more gracious. I hope I have never stepped on anyones toes big little or medium!

  54. 54

    I totally hear you on this. The thing is for me, though, that big/little is relative, and not always a reflection of your talent. Sometimes it’s a reflection of where blogging fits into your life, and for me, it’s not #1. I sometimes think to myself that I could be as big as anyone else, but now is not the time. Who knows when that time will be. For now, I answer to my family before I answer to any “Top 100″ list, so I own that – for me – I’m really as “big” or as “little” as I want to be. I’m totally ok with my place in the blogosphere, and doesn’t really affect me when it seems I might be “snubbed” by others.

  55. 55
    Kimberly A. says:

    Just had to say, great post! So true! I just did a blog post on my blog, Life Hypes & Gripes, “I AM Somebody”. It’s something similar in a sort of round a bout way. Again, BRAVO!!!

  56. 56
    Holly B says:

    From one of the very small blogs out there….. thank you so so much.
    Stop by and see me if you like.

    Holly
    http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/

  57. 57
    Lisa says:

    Loved this post and loved the comments too. I am not a “big” blogger myself but I have to be honest and say that I was too “dissed” because there were other “big” bloggers who were in the same room and I guess to them, I was not a big deal. I got over that real quick though. I know who my real friends are and I tend to stay close to them – “big or small” bloggers -I don’t care. If you’re nice to me and give me respect, than that is all that matters to me.

    You my dear, are one of a kind. I am so glad we got to chat over chai/smoothie before an event. It was great. You are so down to earth and I can’t wait to see you again!!

    • 57.1

      I hate hate hate reading that someone (even someone I’ve never met before) got dissed by someone else because there was someone ‘bigger’ in the room. But that knowing who your real friends are? That’s the best thing EVER!! :)

  58. 58
    Ellen says:

    Bravo, Niri! I have generally been impressed by how welcoming bloggers of all sizes are, online and in conferences. This is probably because they are dazzled by my charm and ravishing good looks, along with my ability to text and chew gum at the same time. Or perhaps it is my perfume. I can’t be sure. But in any case, you rock for speaking out about this. Thanks from a little (but ravishing) fish.

  59. 59

    As a teeny, tiny blogger, I loved reading this!

  60. 60
    shari says:

    amen. what a great article. I wrote for a HUGE blogger for a few months. When I started my own site and asked her if she would link back to me – she said no. Ouch.

  61. 61

    I really just want to applaud you. This is so wonderful.
    I love this post. I love the sentiment, I love everything about it.

    Kudos to you.

    I can’t wait to meet you, someday.

  62. 62
    Kristen says:

    What a great post and I love reading the comments and conversation it has started.
    I started an Adopt a Blogger program for food bloggers a few years ago for this very reason. Once you become a “bigger” blogger, it is so important to give back and to remember what it was like starting out!

  63. 63

    Oh Niri I’m trying not to take over your comments section because I so want to reply to every person but it’s not my blog!!! :)

    Such a great post. Such a sad thing that anyone ever has to write something like it though! :\

    One thing strikes me though as I read all of the “someone ‘big’ dissed me for someone ‘bigger’ in the room” comments. I’m reminded of a blogger I know who is kind of “big” who told me once that the women she knew in the room tended to be more established bloggers who had come to previous events with her over the years and who had been commenting on each others blogs since “before anyone else read them” and she was always afraid she was going to appear to be snobbish because she wanted to spend time with them.

    Made sense to me – but I don’t know what the solution is then. Snub your old friends in favor of people you don’t really know so that you aren’t perceived as ‘cliquish’ or ‘snobby’? Or spend time with your friends and let people who don’t know you just assume you didn’t think they were important enough for you?

    Me? I’ll never be “big” – because I just don’t really blog enough… nor do I seek to be. But some of my “older bloggy friends” are nowadays. So I might accidentally end up on the wrong side of this equation at some point… but I sure hope not. I HOPE that if I ever am coming across that way, one (or more) of my ‘not-so-big-but-equally-important-to-me’ bloggy friends tells me so I can fix it! :)

    Phew.

    Okay, now the important part of my comment? What an awesome post Niri! :)

    • 63.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Ok, I have to reply you. In fact I have to reply everyone but am feeling a tad bit overwhelmed at what this post sparked.

      Remember that day before BlogHer? I crashed your dinner with Renee who I just met? I was in awe of @geekmommy! I was the only little person sitting there (in the blogging world not in size) with my dinosaur phone (still have it) and you took the time to check the menu for vegetarian meal for me, you spoke TO ME! I could barely focus, I kept thinking @geekmommy is speaking to me and it was the first thing I called home and said. You came through, more thank came through.

      Now think how bloggers feel when they are dissed. I know it happens, happens plenty to me. It hurts. I know I should grow a thick skin, only thing is I like my skin. I never expected so many people to share their tale here. This post was not meant to be negative (I thought I took pains to be more than civil) but to remind people to take an extra thought.

    • 63.2
      Donna says:

      Lucretia, I’m glad you mentioned that conversation with the “big” blogger. I’m not “big” – but I’m OLD. I started my blog in 2003. In the first year, I found myself following about 30 other blogs. I was able to keep up with everyone on a more or less daily basis. I met many more bloggers in person at the first BlogHer, where I was one of only about 200 attendees.

      You know how that’s changed. Today, there are hundreds – thousands – of other blogs. It is impossible to read my friends’ postings on a daily basis. It’s wonderful to be able to go into a room with so many women who do the same thing as I and who GET the compulsion of blogging… but it’s also overwhelming. And when you start getting into gatherings of hundreds (or even thousands, as at BlogHer), you can’t really get to know everyone. It is natural that people are going to congregate into smaller groups with those they already know. Is that being clique-y? I don’t think it’s meant to be.

      Of course, I’m happy to meet new people, but I come to see the ones I’ve known for years, who live in other parts of the country. I don’t have the budget to attend more than one conference per year (and last year, I did not go at all. Sponsorship? It did not exist when I started and it’s not something I seek. ) AND – even though I may not appear to be shy, I’m really kind of socially awkward (which is why I’ve always preferred writing to conversing), so that can be a factor, too.

      Anyway – Niri – beautiful post! I will try to be more aware. But please – understand that what new bloggers may perceive as a snub from old bloggers may merely be information overload. And if we happen to be at the same event, I will seek you out to say “hello.” :)

  64. 64
    Amy says:

    Thanks so much for writing this article. It makes me happy to know that someone does truly care and is into helping/propping up us newbie bloggers and not just snub us… thanks so much!

  65. 65
    Lily says:

    Thank you so much for writing this series, I loved it, you explained in detail what I have felt for a long time now.

    My husband calls me:
    “”His little Blogger that could”" ;)
    I am unnoticed by so many “big” peers, but have been a part of very big things, yet 99% of the time I feel so small and out of place that I have pondered giving up my blog.

    ;)

  66. 66
    Emma says:

    Such a great post and so very true! Going to go & share this with all those British Mummy Bloggers right now!! :)

  67. 67

    This August, I will be going to BlogHer, my 1st blogger conference ever. I don’t think I would ever feel snubbed as a blogger, because I have no expectations that anyone would know me or my Blog, BUT (“big but) I would feel hurt if I was dissed as person, since I feel that I have connected and started friendships with many women as a result of blogging. After reading through the comments it seems that most feel the same way I do – but the lines between business and personal may be more blurred in the blogging world then in others. I know that I need to pay some bills with my blog and that at a conference I may be motivated to connect with certain bloggers for business and other because I read their blog and want to know them better and some for both reasons.

    I’d like to add my positive experience with “Big Bloggers”. This year, I had the opportunity to meet several in person and connect with others online. They were all amazing and supportive, so much so that 2 even helped me reach a larger audience. I appreciate it and if I ever become a “big blogger”, I will definitely pay it back.

    • 67.1

      Awwww…Dawn…that would suck, and remember how I told you that makes me feel? Just look for me…I’ll set them straight! lol! Ugh…seriously, there is nothing I despise more. Funny, wasn’t this one of the first topics we talked about when we first met?

      BlogHer can be a bit intimidating, it’s so huge, but people like Niri and so many others are such rays of light…connecting with them will surely make for an amazing experience. I look forward to see you again.

  68. 68

    In general, I think it is nice when the author of a blog (regardless of size of blog) responds to comments. I get that not every remark I leave will be acknowledged, but if it never is, I probably will stop commenting and stop reading. Blogs are supposed to generate conversation–and conversation is two-way street. It is easy to take it personally when someone shuts you out of a conversation–deliberately or not. I was raised in the South and don’t like to “hurt” anyone’s feelings–so I almost always respond comments that are left on my blog. That works for me. It’s okay if it doesn’t work for you. Being rude, really rude-not just not responding to a comment-in public or online is never okay.

  69. 69

    Great post Niri! So, so important. I know that feeling, the one where other bloggers look down and treat you as you are less then. Remembering that feeling though helps to try to reach out to others as well. I am not a “big” blogger by any means, but I do believe that graciousness, regardless of your popularity or how long you’ve been “in the scene” is important.

    I do have to admit, I will be the first one to give you the cold shoulder if I see you as arrogant, rude, gossipy, negative, and hypocritical. But, I won’t assume either, I promise to give a chance to try and interact first before passing judgement. I am, after all, human, and no one likes mean, gossipy girls.

    Luckily, in the little over a year that I have been blogging, I can’t say I have met too many bloggers who make me feel this way. In general, I have met some amazing, empowering, creative, smart, sweet, amazing women and men, that have not only inspire me, but have become great friends.

    Thanks again Niri..xoxox

  70. 70

    Not to diminish the point of this post, respect for everyone is important, but here is a funny story that makes you realize this is all relative to where you are in the big picture.

    I had the opportunity to meet @alphamom -> “Big Blogger”. She was lovely, funny, sweet and had great advice for me. She told me the 1st BlogHer “Cheeseburger Party” started because the mommy bloggers where apparently snubbed at the event so they went off and bought cheeseburgers and ate them in one of their hotel rooms. Word caught on and suddenly their were so many “small bloggers” that hotel security was called. It has grown every year and is now an official BlogHer Party. Loving the concept, I tried to sign up for it this year but there’s a waiting list so I was thinking of hosting a “small fries” party LOL ;)

  71. 71
  72. 72
    michelle says:

    niri, i think i love you. your post made me feel inspired to keep blogging and not to feel dishearted by people who rip off your own hard work and good ideas and use them as their own…only to get all the credit for it.

  73. 73
    Natalie says:

    Thank you for this! Us “little” bloggers often feel exactly as you described and I appreciate that you not only notice it, but you are addressing it, too.

  74. 74
    Haupi says:

    I appreciate so much your courage to address this issue. Thank you. Thank you very much

    http://haupsmoneylite.blogspot.com/

  75. 75
    Minky says:

    Thank you for this. As a little blogger (and proud to be so!) thank you for this.

  76. 76

    What a fabulous post! I’m a little blog and happy with that. I have met some wonderful big time bloggers who have taken the time to say, “Hi,” and have met some who looked over me to talk to someone else. I don’t sweat it. But it does remind me of something my mom always told me.
    She said, “Be careful of the hand you bite today because it may be attached to the person you have to suck up to tomorrow.”

  77. 77
    dina says:

    Hi Niri! Loved the post. And it makes me mad that someone was mean to you seeing as you’re just about the nicest person on earth (and a really good tweeting buddy).

    Although I really love the big conferences I definitely saw the more established bloggers dissing the newbies. I just sort of stood on the outside and watched – not really wanting to get involved. I actually really love the NYC blogger events though and find most of the bloggers there to be really inclusive.

    I’m a newbie too — my brand is big but i am most definitely not. My own blog has about 6 followers – including my two toddlers. Humbling. Haha.

    The only thing I will say is that because I work full time, when I go to these events, I’m probably less than attentive because in my mind i’m FREAKING OUT about the fact i’m missing a conference call or getting so far behind that i’ll have to stay up until 1am to finish my work. I’m guessing some people who snub might just be really stressed or being pulled in so many different directions they’re distracted – so I wouldn’t take it too personally. That being said, everyone should be cordial, no matter what is going through their mind.

  78. 78
    Holly B says:

    I loved this before and love it now. I dont think it will ever happen, but if I do ‘get big’ I will remember to pay it forward and promote the small blogger. There are several out there who have forgotten this Im afraid.

  79. 79
    Motherofbun says:

    This makes me want to meet you! I went to BlogHer years ago and it was so overwhelming. I’m a quieter person and when I saw all of the drama. The “did you see how so and so walked across the room. Like she owns the place?” Funny, all I saw was some woman walking across the room. It became me being more worried about what other people would think of me. Would they mistake shyness for snobishness? I kind of took myself out of the scene and wrote just to write. Because the writing is what I loved most and have stayed friends with a few people. But now I’m back and focusing on a local market site. I feel a bit more comfortable in a smaller pond. ;-) But still, I love the way you think. And am hoping that at some point, I’ll be lucky enough to meet you.

  80. 80
    Victoria says:

    To me, all of you are rockstars. It takes something special and extra to put yourself out there day after day. It’s a form of art, a form of self-expression, and i have tremendous respect for all of you.

  81. 81
    Jessica says:

    Very well written! I am still debating on whether to attend an upcoming HUGE blogging convention in NYC (hmmm, I wonder which one) but this helps me realize that I need to have an “open mind” about the treatment expected from those who think they are big bloggers.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

  82. 82

    I soooo believe in good karma. What you put out there comes right back. Good work Niri.

  83. 83
    Amy says:

    Okay, I know I’m behind and just now reading this, but I still had to comment!

    You know that we both think very much alike, which is why I love you so much. Some of our best conversations were done in our hotel room, away from the chaos.

    I love your number one “They may not be as small as you think.” Yes! Who is “big” anyway? How can one really judge? You’re right, the loudest get noticed first, but that doesn’t mean those who are more understated aren’t doing amazing things.

    Love you.

    • 83.1
      Allie says:

      Exactly. Some blogs that are huge I never knew about until meeting the blogger first hand at a conference .

  84. 84
    Angela says:

    I agree, karma will come around to everyone.
    Glad you posted this. Everyone starts somewhere. Its remembering that , that will keep you grounded.

  85. 85

    Good article. Thanks for writing it. I’m a small blogger, 2nd round. The first was positive but I needed to remove myself from it. On both blogs however, I noticed the ones I read and respond to are the smaller ones. Maybe it feels like a closer knit community?

  86. 86
  87. 87
    Gretchen says:

    I am new to your blog, but couldn’t agree more! I am a teeny tiny blogger, but am really just writing because I love writing about my babies. Very well said though!

  88. 88
    Shelly says:

    I liked this article and reading the comments too.. I have yet to go to any conferences, don’t even know that I will – because like you, I would just prefer to sit and chat over tea or coffee and have a good time! Though I guess if you really wanted to meet a LOT of specific people – going to a conference would be a place to meet them all at once :)

    There have been times that even just on Twitter, I have noticed some people acting like High School people that are portrayed on TV – it is both entertaining and weird!

    Anyway – Hi! and great post :)

  89. 89
    Helen Jane says:

    Ms. Niri, you’re a GIANT HUGE blogger and kind and wonderful and amazing. All of the bloggers I’ve ever met in person have been kind to me. This leaves me worried that I am naive and being snubbed but don’t know it yet.

    I guess I’m a little confused with Heather (#25). I have a wee tiny blog, but I’ve been doing it a long time. Am I a snubber or a snubee?

    Actually, snubee sounds kind of cozy.

  90. 90

    This is an excellent post. I couldn’t have said it better. We are all just people – people doing the same thing and nobody is ‘bigger’ or ‘better’, we just have different styles.

  91. 91

    I am a small blogger, but a big (as in tall :-) person. I especially love your comment that “New to blogging does not mean new to life.” I am happy to have discovered your blog. Thanks for the great post!

  92. 92

    Totally agree. Today I talked with a blogger on the AdAge 150, and he connected me with a potential job opportunity. Why? Because he respected that I had put in the effort to comment on his blog. I comment because I think a comment is worth it. I don’t just say, “Great post!”

    I have found that respect goes a long way.

  93. 93

    This is a great post. I think you touched a hot point for all of us small bloggers who look at the playing field as level, but are ignored by the big boys. I appreciate this post so much! Thank you!

  94. 94
    Vanita says:

    Great post Niri! I always find it irritating when I do find the time to comment on “big” blogs, which is usually only when i have something worth saying, and the blogger doesn’t respond. If there was a response I’d be encouraged to interact more. I love how you just know how to put it out there and be honest. Thanks.

    • 94.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Sigh, you just reminded me that I meant to comment on each post here but it really gor overwhelming – I still intend to do it. Hopefully in a week or so

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