My Dear Blogger Friends: Be Nice!

MY VIEWS, SOCIAL MEDIA | | October 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

be nice

I have been keeping my nose to the grindstone and pumping out posts trying hard to keep my content fresh barely lifting my head up to breathe. When I do manage to get out to tweet I see the parties I am missing yet I know I have commitments to post so I do. Maybe I feel like I have extended myself too much at times which is amazing because if I just closed “shop” and said bye bye to MommyNiri.com none would probably notice. Seriously, the deadlines are all self imposed but I personally need that for me or else nothing would get done.

There are so many blogging styles out there, some are more brazen than I would dare, some more sharing enough to scare while others are so attacking it makes me fear. Yes, much different from me but I admire every blog out there, it is a voice. While I may not appreciate every blogger I do respect every blog. It makes me sad to hear some ugly words being flung around the blogoshpere these days. Some so despicable I dare not mention and makes me want to wash a few mouths with soap and water. I wonder if the veil of anonymity gives one super strength to say things they would never dare say to your face.

Is the competition making bloggers bitter?  Or maybe the struggle a tad bit frustrating? Admittedly working for free (or next to free)  is a little difficult for anyone out of the blogoshpere to comprehend, heck I am still trying to figure it out myself. I am sometimes a little sorry I took time to take up air and hear these comments and as I write this post I make a promise to go back into my self-imposed hibernation to do some writing. Words hurt people, stop it! This blogging thing is growing, maturing to who knows where but certainly to something lucrative. Those guys who are shaking in their boots thinking that bloggers are taking their jobs have reason to fear.

Some are just waiting for us to show unprofessional behavior so as to say “Look at them bicker and you want to trust your brand to these mommy bloggers?” We are playing right into their hands. Let’s be respectful. Recently a storm broke through about bloggers on a Nestle summit and I was aghast at the behavior (follow the hashtag #nestlefamily to see the conversations). My point here is not about whether the company is right or wrong but whether we automatically have a license to behave rudely to bloggers as we hide behind our avatar.

We are sitting in one of the most exciting of  fields (in my opinion) and I am thrilled to be part of it. Ok, so maybe 12 years of software engineering makes me no expert, but even I know a good thing when I see it. Let’s ride this blogging adventure together and be the ones who respect each other (even if we don’t like each other). Remember the sisterhood (thank you Blogalicious 09 for reminding me of it)? We can do this if we do it together. Diversity (of blogging or anything) is a good thing! Seriously if I suck at blogging, I will lose followers, if I break rules the FTC is sure to be on my back. Stop policing and bickering and let’s get back to what we all do best: blogging.

Like I would tell my 2 year old daughter “Be nice!”

UPDATE 05/14/2010 : 5 Reasons Big Bloggers Need To Be Nice To Small Bloggers!

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65 Comments

  1. 1
    Allie says:

    This post is another reason I love you, you are who you are and that is a classy, honest, respectful person!

  2. 2
    Frelle says:

    I totally agree with Allie. Well said, and thank you for posting it!!

  3. 3
    Sheliza says:

    Very well written post and I couldn’t agree with you more!! You are amazing at what you do BTW :)

  4. 4
    Diane says:

    Hi there Niri, First great post! I am new to this network of mom bloggers but it’s been interesting thus far. I am not too certain of the issues you are mentioning. But I am sorry to read that it’s happening. Hoping it mellows out for everyone involved!

    • 4.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Diane, run, hide.. save yourself!b Just kidding, the fact that it is getting competitive means this is a great place to be (and timing too). Welcome to the blogging world.

  5. 5
    Claire says:

    I really regret the fact that I ever started blogging. I am on my 4th blog, 3rd blogger profile, 2nd Facebook acct and I think my 3rd Twitter name trying to escape. I end, get lonely and come back. It is a vicious cycle that I really need to just end for good. I feel like I am in high school again and this time it is even worse than before because the mean comments and “stares” are coming from a larger group then just high school kids. Women are more vicious and vindictive then high school girls and it sucks. I dont even know why I want to go to BlogHer so bad. Yes, there are people I want to meet but there sure are a ton of bloggers that I either never want to meet or never want to see ever again. I think I am ok with never meeting these bloggers that I want to meet IRL, I am ok with Skype chats and phone calls so why put myself through the humiliation of going to a convention full of Bloggers that every one worships but really, they are horrible women. I was not the popular girl in HS so in reality I would not be the popular girl in bloggy land. I know so many secrets about bloggers that no one knows and I think they would even flip out if they knew that I know these things but I don’t think that I would stoop that low to pour it all out on the internet. Some of these girls are so called best friends but in all reality they completely bad mouth them behind their backs. The more and more I think about what I know the more I want no part of it anymore. I start thinking about what I could be doing instead of blogging and what I could be doing instead of holding all of these secrets inside.
    I think the biggest thing I learned from blogging is that your friends are probably not who you think they are. Tread lightly and only say what you would want the public to know… oh, an your husbands DO spill deep dark secrets!
    (Mommy Niri, none of this was about you dear! Your post just sparked some venting!)

    • 5.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Claire, thanks for venting and it is clear that you have been through the grinder in this. Hugs and hope that there are enough good ones out there.

  6. 6
    Yakini says:

    This is a GREAT post, Niri. I hate how ugly things had gotten too, and I wish folks didn’t have to be so mean. Words hurt, whether spoken or written. I think your message to “be nice” is a great one – thanks for this! Im so glad I met you at Blogalicious and discovered your blog!

    P.S. Awwww, your daughter is soooo cute!!!

    • 6.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I am glad to have met you and some amazing people at Blogalicious. I think spoken words are worse as we tend to re-read them several times.

  7. 7

    Beautifully written. Beautifully written. You are a literary genius. I’ll sign off on that pledge with you. I join in with the call for all bloggers to BE NICE…now let me go delete a few posts!

    • 7.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I can’t imagine you having anything not nice to say about anyone. Genius, umm no , passionate yes and so is anyone when the topic hits home.

  8. 8
    Maricris says:

    Blogging shouldn’t be a competition at all. Unfortunately, the pressure to outshine each other is creating a hyde personality in some of us. It’s intimidating when you go out there and all you see is everyone trying to outdo each other. Sometimes it just makes me want to cringe and hide in my cave!

  9. 9
    Maricris says:

    btw, your daughter is so adorable :)

  10. 10

    Well said! I try to stay away from the drama, and away from the drama queens. News flash (not surprising) – my blog has become just more popular the more steps I take back of the drama.

    • 10.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      So on the button. The drama is sapping, and sometimes it is worth it to be immersed in writing and ignore the hullabaloo.

  11. 11

    I whole heartedly agree…and had to stifle a giggle when I read the whole “working for free” bit. So glad I got a chance to meet you at Blogalicious and, not that it would be any surprise to anyone, was able to see that you are just as lovely in real life as you are on your blog.

    I think you are onto something about the “veil of anonymity” giving people the false courage to say things in the blogosphere they would ordinarily be ashamed at saying in person. It’s sad, isn’t it?

    Blog on, my friend!

    • 11.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thanks Jen. I wish more people were transparent. If you don’t like me say me or at least don’t try and be nice and later rat about me..
      Hope to catch you again soon

  12. 12
    Mocha Dad says:

    Everyone blogger has his/her own voice. No need to bicker.

  13. 13
    Al_Pal says:

    Yes, be nice! Or at least, Kind, or Polite…
    I’m going to stick with being kind, I think… ;p

  14. 14
    Allison Ranieri says:

    Mommy Niri…
    This is all brand new to me, but I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do for us moms! I look foward to all of your posts..Every morning before the kids wake up, I sit at the computer with my cup of coffee and read about everything you have to say. I am thoroughly enjoying being a part of your Fan base! Thank you for all that you do for us!

    • 14.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Allison and with that simple statement you made my day. Seriously that is exactly how I imagine the blog should be.

  15. 15
    Kris Cain says:

    This reminds me of a post that I posted a while ago on this very thing on Type-A Mom (http://www.typeamom.net/web-etiquette.html). I have been an advocate of “niceness” on the web since day 1. I have actually taken the time to join a forum just to tell those posting to be nice! Thanks for this. It is time I resurrect my post!

    (((HUGS)))

  16. 16

    Great post, Niri. You know how that I totally agree with you, and think you are a rock star. ;)

    I will say that even through all the nastiness that happened to me during Nestle, the support I received FAR outweighed the bad. The positive CAN be just as powerful, if we let it.

  17. 17
    Carla says:

    I find this state to be false “If I just closed “shop” and said bye bye to MommyNiri.com none would probably notice” I would notice, I love your blog and you know this and I’m thrilled to be a part of your fan base. Thank you for sharing your stories with us! Someday I will convince you to write a book!

    • 17.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Love you Carla for being one of the first few people that have read my blog from the beginning but also made me feel like I could do this.

  18. 18
    Janna McNeil says:

    I agree with you whole-heartedly. We should all extend that thought into everything we do.

  19. 19
    Marianne says:

    i have been reading mom blogs for about 2 years, once i started staying home from work. i have also noticed a nasty trend which i think is from jealously and competition. i regualarly follow about 30 or so mom blogs (i use mommyblogs.com to find other good ones). despite the nastyness and pettiness, there are still many great mom blogs out there that are funny and witty and inspirational. thank you for being one of the good ones!

  20. 20
    @marymac says:

    Nice post. (get it? nice? heehee!)
    The ‘veil of anonymity’ is bullshit. Be who you are. I don’t know what happened with the Nestle thing (will grab a cup of coffee and check out twitter!) but with any of that crap (Croctomom at Blogher, etc) it’s a shame some folks are giving blogging a bad name. It’s really sorta like high school or college (sororities) again- popular head-cheerleader types, cliques, etc. Wrote a post about not fitting in here:
    http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/?p=626
    and the post received some nasty comments on certain blogs… but whatever. We’re all on the same team, and we should stick together!

  21. 21

    Kindness is never a bad thing.

  22. 22
    Ashley says:

    What a great post. I love how you just speak your mind, but respectfully. I am so glad I found your blog! It is wonderful!

  23. 23
    kamani says:

    Say it like it is Mommy Niri….we love your blog

  24. 24
    Rhea says:

    Oh, I so agree with you! What happened to “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!?”

  25. 25
    melissa says:

    this…is a wonderful post.

  26. 26
    Candace says:

    Hi Niri!
    Great Post. I am not even really aware of the drama of the mommy blogs–I guess I’m not a threat then! ha!–but the issues that are rearing their ugly heads with Mommy Blogging are in no way anything new: they are the exact same reasoning behind the laws and ethics that govern mainstream media and journalism. Until Bloggers are regulated either by law (as the FTC is beginning to do) or through self-imposed ethics standards, corporations will continue to find bloggers to attempt to exploit through products/trips/etc for their own profit.

    As a journalism professor (and recovering TV reporter& anchor) these are all very familiar issues to me. And I am so glad that the discussion is taking place among bloggers–and hopeful that good things will happen as a result. For everyone. But the only way this discussion can make progress is for bloggers to be professional and polite. We don’t have to agree, but we do have to get along if we ever want to be heard…amongst each other and as a dynamic and powerful group.

    • 26.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Somehow along the way professionalism got left at the door. People consider that rude behavior is just part of a personality.

  27. 27

    If you closed shop – EVERYONE would notice- your voice is an integral very necessary part of the blogosphere- plus- your kids are just gorgeous– we’d all miss seeing them!!

    • 27.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Thank you. I just meant in the whole scheme of things. Not like I am a doctor or something important like that ;-)

  28. 28
    Meghan says:

    Beautifully written. Stay positive, Mommy Niri. And, seriously, could your girls be any more adorable?!?!?!

  29. 29
    Fiona says:

    Great post! I think I’m oblivious because I never notice the drama until someone else brings it to my attention. For all I know I have a hater out there lol We should conduct ourselves as professional adults no matter how much we are or are not paid. I stayed home with my children for 10 years and feared that I’d never be able to re-enter any sort of profession when my children entered school and I had more time. I was wrong…. social media is a new and mysterious phenomenon that we as women are suited for and because it is new I am not 10 years behind in the game! This is exciting and we should all be banding together to learn and experience it all!

    And if you closed up shop we would ABSOLUTELY notice!!

    • 29.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      Exactly Fiona, this new field will open so many doors and our behavior is being looked at carefully by companies. Doors will remain open for now, thanks for coming in.

  30. 30
    Tammi says:

    100% agree, great post.
    More should set such a good example!
    I have read way too much nasty drama, and more so – the even uglier comments that CHEER the rudeness on.
    {Are you kidding me? Join in and throw stones? Yes, I notice your comment – and I make a note to never visit your blog either thankyouverymuch!}

    Disrespect equals complete bad character, in my opinion.
    There are laws against bullying, real laws…maybe the blogosphere should be made more accountable, just like the FTC regulations….just sayin’

    • 30.1
      Mommy Niri says:

      I love this important point you bring up. I was hurt to see a really ugly use of descriptives in a post, and then I see a comment cheering it on. I knew those people and I will never look at them BOTH the same way again.

  31. 31
    tena says:

    Here, here! Nicely done!

  32. 32
    * TONYA * says:

    Great post Niri. I have found myself stepping away from the ‘mommy blogging’ arena just to avoid a lot of the drama. I’ve moved my blog and I’m just doing my own thing. There has been too much nastiness of late. Very sad to see.

  33. 33
    Kemi Ingram says:

    This was a great post. There really is NO need for ‘mommy competition!’

  34. 34

    Apparently because people view the Internet as being anonymous (which btw it isn’t at all) people seem to lose all sense of “Do unto others as you would like done unto you”. It’s a shame really.

  35. 35

    I unfollowed 4 people mid 2009. So many negative tweets, repetitive blog posts, and accusations. I am convinced one of the people was mentally unstable. So sad. I found that I invested too much energy in to figuring out why these 4 were so angry at 2 other people. I did not unfollow the two people as I viewed them as victims. No one should be subjected to the bashing that these 2 took.

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