The Mommy Guilt

PARENTING | | February 15, 2009 at 6:43 am

While busy writing my resolutions at Mommy Niri, I realized that the whole mommy guilt issue deserved a whole topic of its own. Along with pressures we subject ourselves too, this guilt is by far the most personal. Trying at best to not give voice to most of our fears, as if once spoken they will morph in a life of their own. Already they play at the back of our minds like a broken record. I remember when our newborn was crying incessantly (point in note is this was with our first child) my husband (bravely) questioned whether she was still hungry after nursing. The question that I may be starving my child made me really angry (at which hubby dearest can attest) but angrier at myself I became as I questioned myself. Was he right?. The burden of guilt starts long before the baby’s birth though. The moment I found out I was pregnant I was plagued with a fear that a few sips of alcohol I took a few weeks ago might in some way have harmed my child.

I always thought having the baby born would alleviate a lot of the concerns, as we can “fix” what we can see. How wrong was I. As children grow so many new traits and abilities so does the complexities of the guilt. The web we weave around us seems to surround us with multiple “what ifs”. I go to bed each night chastising myself for not giving more individual attention to my children. I wish I was not so short when my preschooler accidentally did something. I wish I had more patience with my child who was chatting away just because I was in too much of a rush to get things done. And yes, the biggest guilt is with carving out time for myself. Yes, I know, caring for mama is important, and I will listen to that sensibility the moment I can tunnel my way past this guilt.

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